[This office is familiar. Eren has seen it before. He's never forgotten it. He never will.
[And there's Maruki, of course, sitting right across from him. There's a book in Eren's lap. Green fires blaze, reflected in Maruki's glasses. He grips the leather-bound edges.
[He's sixteen.]
Why does it feel like I haven't seen you in a while?
[And there's Maruki, of course, sitting right across from him. There's a book in Eren's lap. Green fires blaze, reflected in Maruki's glasses. He grips the leather-bound edges.
[He's sixteen.]
Why does it feel like I haven't seen you in a while?
[ It's utterly bizarre to dream of his old office once more; though it's been well over a year since he first arrived in this reality, a large part of Maruki will never forget how it felt to fall asleep in a strange new world and find himself in a dreamtime facsimile of his old one every single night. Armed with a dash more self-preservation and a lot of hindsight, he can see now how he was running himself ragged by counseling in his dreams...
But he can't ever bring himself to regret it. It's how he met so many people still important to him.
It's how he met Eren.
Maruki stares at him, this perfect image of his Other as he first knew him, the boy who became his first patient, his best friend. His expression is half awed, half fond. ]
I suppose... because it has been. [ He laughs, scratches at the stubbled line of his jaw. ] Do I look that much older?
But he can't ever bring himself to regret it. It's how he met so many people still important to him.
It's how he met Eren.
Maruki stares at him, this perfect image of his Other as he first knew him, the boy who became his first patient, his best friend. His expression is half awed, half fond. ]
I suppose... because it has been. [ He laughs, scratches at the stubbled line of his jaw. ] Do I look that much older?
[Eren is quiet, appraising. It's solemn, somehow. He shakes his head.]
No. You look different, though.
We're dreaming again, aren't we? He's running out of ideas...
No. You look different, though.
We're dreaming again, aren't we? He's running out of ideas...
why didn't I upload any ugly wugly crybaby icons who AM I
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
abandonhumanity
- 2025-10-06 03:23 (UTC) - ExpandNo, it's not a child.
[ Guess what found its way into the house?
Attachment one - Gestalt and some gestaltlings in the living room.
Also? An egg. ]
They won't let me touch them.
[ Why are they here? Well. A young boy's pocket, probably. A mother seeking her stolen chickling, probably. A whole line of lil guys following her, probably. ]
[ Guess what found its way into the house?
Attachment one - Gestalt and some gestaltlings in the living room.
Also? An egg. ]
They won't let me touch them.
[ Why are they here? Well. A young boy's pocket, probably. A mother seeking her stolen chickling, probably. A whole line of lil guys following her, probably. ]
[One morning dawns, and Akira wakes up eighteen years old.
A mess of thoughts and feelings swells in his head like a migraine. It is probably a migraine; he rubs at his forehead and reaches for his phone.
There's a chance he won't answer. Not because he doesn't want to, necessarily, but because he can't. Won't know. Won't understand. But Akira wants to try anyway.
His thumbs freeze before he can type, Maruki-san and Takuto-kun tangling together in his throat like a disease. But finally, his fingers move. He forces himself out of it.]
Maruki-sensei.
If you remember the day at the beach, tell me. If you're here, tell me.
A mess of thoughts and feelings swells in his head like a migraine. It is probably a migraine; he rubs at his forehead and reaches for his phone.
There's a chance he won't answer. Not because he doesn't want to, necessarily, but because he can't. Won't know. Won't understand. But Akira wants to try anyway.
His thumbs freeze before he can type, Maruki-san and Takuto-kun tangling together in his throat like a disease. But finally, his fingers move. He forces himself out of it.]
Maruki-sensei.
If you remember the day at the beach, tell me. If you're here, tell me.
[ Akira isn't the only one who wakes up with a splitting headache. It's happening more and more these days, even if he hasn't been spontaneously struck by lightning and reverted to a much younger version of himself lately. Hell, it's happening every day–
So he doesn't think twice before rolling over to paw for his phone amidst the rumpled blankets, blinking away sleep and pulsing pain to read over Akira's words.
When he fell asleep last night, was he himself? Or was he a child? He really can't remember – losing time and changing so often is muddling his cognition, making the days blend together. Regardless– ]
I'm here. It's me. The normal me, I mean.
And that day at the beach... well, that's impossible to forget.
What's going on? Are you alright?
So he doesn't think twice before rolling over to paw for his phone amidst the rumpled blankets, blinking away sleep and pulsing pain to read over Akira's words.
When he fell asleep last night, was he himself? Or was he a child? He really can't remember – losing time and changing so often is muddling his cognition, making the days blend together. Regardless– ]
I'm here. It's me. The normal me, I mean.
And that day at the beach... well, that's impossible to forget.
What's going on? Are you alright?
I'm alright. Sorry, I just wanted to make sure it was you. Make sure it was us.
My head just feels strange from everything that's happened. Do you remember it, too? Being older and younger.
My head just feels strange from everything that's happened. Do you remember it, too? Being older and younger.
[ It's been quiet. Eerily so. Maruki must have slept in and through his alarm - not impossible given the state of house these days. Routines have to be relearned. Akechi knows he didn't tuck a child in last night, so the man will rise before long. He starts his own day, his own routines, his own usual exercises and haunts visited and-
There's no breakfast on the counter, half-made on the stove. Uncommon, but not odd. Akechi returned later than normal. Someone may have helped themselves to his plate.
No lunch either. No movement. No creak of a doorframe or sounds of life. Akechi walks by but-
It doesn't sound like he's there. Not uncommon. Not abnormal. There are innumerable tasks Maruki shoulders any given day within the house and outside of it. ]
If you're at the store, we need more fish.
There's no breakfast on the counter, half-made on the stove. Uncommon, but not odd. Akechi returned later than normal. Someone may have helped themselves to his plate.
No lunch either. No movement. No creak of a doorframe or sounds of life. Akechi walks by but-
It doesn't sound like he's there. Not uncommon. Not abnormal. There are innumerable tasks Maruki shoulders any given day within the house and outside of it. ]
If you're at the store, we need more fish.
[MESSAGE NOT DELIVERED]
[ The UN isn't wrong.
It could be petulance. He wouldn't put it beyond Maruki to wish a setting on his phone to stop Akechi's texts when they're really at one another's throats, but-
It's not beyond him, but it's not something he's ever done in months spent together and Akechi can't foresee it starting now.
The tracking app's-
Not off.
Nonexistent. Nothing found. No service. No connection. No- ]
[MESSAGE NOT DELIVERED]
[ Akechi isn't sure what he sent. Can't read it. Tries- ]
[MESSAGE NOT DELIVERED]
[ Something else. Something else. The UN isn't wrong. Something else, because the UN isn't wrong. ]
[MESSAGE NOT DELIVERED]
[ The UN isn't wrong.
It could be petulance. He wouldn't put it beyond Maruki to wish a setting on his phone to stop Akechi's texts when they're really at one another's throats, but-
It's not beyond him, but it's not something he's ever done in months spent together and Akechi can't foresee it starting now.
The tracking app's-
Not off.
Nonexistent. Nothing found. No service. No connection. No- ]
[MESSAGE NOT DELIVERED]
[ Akechi isn't sure what he sent. Can't read it. Tries- ]
[MESSAGE NOT DELIVERED]
[ Something else. Something else. The UN isn't wrong. Something else, because the UN isn't wrong. ]
[MESSAGE NOT DELIVERED]
[ Akechi waits No one
But tonight he waits. Waits.
Nothing. No one. Nothing. No one. Akechi Goro waits for nothing and no one. Doesn't sit and wait for nothing and no one through dusk, another night and-
There's nothing. No one.
This is why he waits for nothing and no one.
He doesn't know what to do with nothing and no one. ]
for nothing
Ever.
He never has.But tonight he waits. Waits.
Waits.
He never waits, but the next morning he waits and waits and waits for-Nothing. No one. Nothing. No one. Akechi Goro waits for nothing and no one. Doesn't sit and wait for nothing and no one through dusk, another night and-
There's nothing. No one.
This is why he waits for nothing and no one.
He doesn't know what to do with nothing and no one. ]
[ That's a lie.
He knows how to live with no one and he knows how to live with nothing.
And it's too fitting of a reminder. It's thinking he had a home only to be set on a curbside. It's thinking he had a mother only to lose her in the same breath. It's being on the cusp of believing someone who said they would go back together only to recognize that there's no one left to say it.
Akechi Goro knows nothing. Akechi Goro knows there's no one.
He knows it. Knew it. Knew it. He knew Maruki wasn't strong enough, couldn't do it, didn't fully believe the promise he said to a disbelieving boy again and again and again-
Because he's a liar. Of course he's a liar. He took a small boy in his arms and promised a home. He placed a hand on his back and promised a path.
Akechi Goro was an idiot. Akechi Goro should have known. Akechi Goro spent his youth learning the miniscule value of trust.
It was his fault for mustering up a drop to give. The months made him weak, pathetic, craving and yearning and grasping at a connection from-
A liar. Maruki is a liar. Akechi is liar who deserves to see nothing and no one in the memory of promise given.
Maruki is gone.
Maruki is gone.
Maruki is gone.
Akechi will stay.
Akechi doesn't want to stay.
Akechi doesn't want to be here and stay in empty rooms that don't have broken rafters to count because he left.
He left.
It's a punishment. Akechi's here. Maruki left. Maruki left without him and he won't be back.
They won't meet up.
Another year may span between them and Akechi doesn't care if they ever meet up.
He should have killed him.
He should have killed him.
He should have killed him while he had the chance to kill him and maybe he should have made it look like the world killed him by setting a gun in his palm his neck in a noose his neck in a noose his neck should be in a noose Akechi wants to hear it snap in a noose and see a body dangle from a ceiling too worn to hold him up and maybe it would feel better if he could see that body dangle from a ceiling tinted blue too worn from the world that took and took and took and Akechi took and Akechi took because Akechi takes and it's a curse that- ]
He knows how to live with no one and he knows how to live with nothing.
And it's too fitting of a reminder. It's thinking he had a home only to be set on a curbside. It's thinking he had a mother only to lose her in the same breath. It's being on the cusp of believing someone who said they would go back together only to recognize that there's no one left to say it.
Akechi Goro knows nothing. Akechi Goro knows there's no one.
He knows it. Knew it. Knew it. He knew Maruki wasn't strong enough, couldn't do it, didn't fully believe the promise he said to a disbelieving boy again and again and again-
Because he's a liar. Of course he's a liar. He took a small boy in his arms and promised a home. He placed a hand on his back and promised a path.
Akechi Goro was an idiot. Akechi Goro should have known. Akechi Goro spent his youth learning the miniscule value of trust.
It was his fault for mustering up a drop to give. The months made him weak, pathetic, craving and yearning and grasping at a connection from-
A liar. Maruki is a liar. Akechi is liar who deserves to see nothing and no one in the memory of promise given.
Maruki is gone.
Maruki is gone.
Maruki is gone.
Akechi will stay.
Akechi doesn't want to stay.
Akechi doesn't want to be here and stay in empty rooms that don't have broken rafters to count because he left.
He left.
It's a punishment. Akechi's here. Maruki left. Maruki left without him and he won't be back.
They won't meet up.
Another year may span between them and Akechi doesn't care if they ever meet up.
He should have killed him.
He should have killed him.
He should have killed him while he had the chance to kill him and maybe he should have made it look like the world killed him by setting a gun in his palm his neck in a noose his neck in a noose his neck should be in a noose Akechi wants to hear it snap in a noose and see a body dangle from a ceiling too worn to hold him up and maybe it would feel better if he could see that body dangle from a ceiling tinted blue too worn from the world that took and took and took and Akechi took and Akechi took because Akechi takes and it's a curse that- ]
[ It took months, nearly years -
But that warped grotesque curse must exist still. Akechi can feel it. He can feel it. Of course he can feel it. Why did being with Maruki make him think he couldn't feel it.
He feels it. He can feel it. It makes him nauseous, dizzy, bile at the base of his throat swallowed down over and over and over.
He didn't feel it. He should have known. The empty bed under his palms is proof that nothing's meant to stay and Akechi-
Should focus. Should focus. Kill Shido, let the world do what it must after. Kill Shido, nothing else. Kill Shido, nothing else. Kill Shido, because there's nothing and no one and anything else that might have mattered means nothing to him and-
Maruki is gone.
Akechi will see through one act of mercy. It was always about debt. Akechi holds debt. Akechi will repay that debt to ghost.
It takes him-
Awhile. Awhile. A long time. So long. He doesn't know - maybe he does. It's another day, another morning, another evening where he doesn't know. Bag filled, another bag, so many bags because the ghost was sentimental, the ghost cared, the ghost had bonds and feelings and mementos and gifts that helped the ghost carry on-
Akechi is merciful. He can be merciful. He is merciful when he puts those delicate trinkets into a bag of their own. He is merciful when he folds and towers shirts that his fingers twist into because a child's desire weaves past the curse. He is merciful because he's no longer a child. The child would have let tears sting his eyes, try to find a heartbeat in what the ghost left behind-
But Akechi Goro isn't a child. Akechi Goro is a curse. Akechi Goro is merciful so he doesn't seek a beat, beat, beat in familiar outfits. He folds, piles, seals.
Akechi isn't merciful. Akechi Goro is cruel. He remembers at the cusp of dusk with a pounding ache behind his eyes. He remembers. Loki remembers and a room will bear that memory, that curse.
It feels good to create one, two, three cracks against a window and four, five, six cracks into a ceiling and seven, eight, nine cracks to the small, cramped spot between bed and wall where Akechi Goro used to pretend any of it mattered.
It feels good. He wants to puke. He feels great. He wants to puke. He feels great. He wants to puke. ]
But that warped grotesque curse must exist still. Akechi can feel it. He can feel it. Of course he can feel it. Why did being with Maruki make him think he couldn't feel it.
He feels it. He can feel it. It makes him nauseous, dizzy, bile at the base of his throat swallowed down over and over and over.
He didn't feel it. He should have known. The empty bed under his palms is proof that nothing's meant to stay and Akechi-
Should focus. Should focus. Kill Shido, let the world do what it must after. Kill Shido, nothing else. Kill Shido, nothing else. Kill Shido, because there's nothing and no one and anything else that might have mattered means nothing to him and-
Maruki is gone.
Akechi will see through one act of mercy. It was always about debt. Akechi holds debt. Akechi will repay that debt to ghost.
It takes him-
Awhile. Awhile. A long time. So long. He doesn't know - maybe he does. It's another day, another morning, another evening where he doesn't know. Bag filled, another bag, so many bags because the ghost was sentimental, the ghost cared, the ghost had bonds and feelings and mementos and gifts that helped the ghost carry on-
Akechi is merciful. He can be merciful. He is merciful when he puts those delicate trinkets into a bag of their own. He is merciful when he folds and towers shirts that his fingers twist into because a child's desire weaves past the curse. He is merciful because he's no longer a child. The child would have let tears sting his eyes, try to find a heartbeat in what the ghost left behind-
But Akechi Goro isn't a child. Akechi Goro is a curse. Akechi Goro is merciful so he doesn't seek a beat, beat, beat in familiar outfits. He folds, piles, seals.
Akechi isn't merciful. Akechi Goro is cruel. He remembers at the cusp of dusk with a pounding ache behind his eyes. He remembers. Loki remembers and a room will bear that memory, that curse.
It feels good to create one, two, three cracks against a window and four, five, six cracks into a ceiling and seven, eight, nine cracks to the small, cramped spot between bed and wall where Akechi Goro used to pretend any of it mattered.
It feels good. He wants to puke. He feels great. He wants to puke. He feels great. He wants to puke. ]
[ That wanton destruction heals until it doesn't.
It doesn't.
It must be the world twisting his feelings because it doesn't. Because he remembers a child cradled in his arms, held under piles of blankets, wheezing and looking for promises from Akechi and-
He remembers being loved. He might have been loved. The ghost loved a child that could still pretend that love was his and-
It's morning, afternoon, dusk-
And there's nothing, no one and he doesn't give a shit at all. ]
It doesn't.
It must be the world twisting his feelings because it doesn't. Because he remembers a child cradled in his arms, held under piles of blankets, wheezing and looking for promises from Akechi and-
He remembers being loved. He might have been loved. The ghost loved a child that could still pretend that love was his and-
It's morning, afternoon, dusk-
And there's nothing, no one and he doesn't give a shit at all. ]
Surprise ❤️ (set during Maruki's absence in early October)
maidenofrelief
2025-10-04 04:13 am (UTC)(link)
[It's quiet. Chihaya knows quiet. That heavy silence when the house is resting after a huge upheaval, usually when there has been destruction and death outside. The silence in between the exhale and inhale. The house breathes, in and out, with stillness and peace.
Today the silence is suffocating with the peace of a tomb.
The morning is easiest. Fresh from sleep, it's the time of day where she can imagine Maruki is around the corner, just out of sight, only a little out of ear shot when she calls for him once, twice. The third call, quieter and weaker than the first two, is more confirmation than anything else that the tomb continues to stand. The afternoon is filled with whatever task she can get her hands on, in and outside of the house. The nights are the worst when she lies in bed and catches herself listening for familiar footsteps down the hall.
The others aren't going to be gentle about this. Chihaya knows this as fact. Maruki has surrounded himself with passionate, burning people and has dutifully fed the flames for awhile now. This won't be easy. She's not him, not as kind, not as brave, not as strong in more ways than one- but she will do her best to keep the house together for his return.
She can feel grief settle in her bones, the worry etching its way into the marrow. She watches Akira turn himself into a ghost, drifting through the halls like a shadow. She watches Akechi, jaw tight, enter Maruki's room and not exit for a long, long time. Haru looks like she is fighting a war on two fronts, the cracks in her smile growing with each passing day. Adachi's quiet heartbreak echoes and hangs in the air and she can only imagine how Eren is right now. How all the people Maruki has loved and loved him in return must be fighting to not shatter.
It feels like no one believes he will be back. No one but her. Perhaps she is cheating with her ability to continue believing but personally she thinks after all the hell she has gotten she's owed something positive. No matter how hard she tries however, the edge of her ability gives just before certainty on when exactly he will return. It's enough to shake her faith but she pushes it down. Maruki will come back. As surely as she worries, picking at every thread in her reading for him until it unspools, she knows that some day soon the sun will rise, the house will breathe, and the tomb will crumble.
Until then she will repair what she can. She'll patch whatever she can't so it can limp along. She'll make sure that everyone is as fed and watered as she can make them, and wait.
She is patient. Maruki will come back home and Chihaya will embrace him with open arms when he does. And if the trials he has endured leave him weak, she'll endeavor to support him until he can stand on his own again.]
Today the silence is suffocating with the peace of a tomb.
The morning is easiest. Fresh from sleep, it's the time of day where she can imagine Maruki is around the corner, just out of sight, only a little out of ear shot when she calls for him once, twice. The third call, quieter and weaker than the first two, is more confirmation than anything else that the tomb continues to stand. The afternoon is filled with whatever task she can get her hands on, in and outside of the house. The nights are the worst when she lies in bed and catches herself listening for familiar footsteps down the hall.
The others aren't going to be gentle about this. Chihaya knows this as fact. Maruki has surrounded himself with passionate, burning people and has dutifully fed the flames for awhile now. This won't be easy. She's not him, not as kind, not as brave, not as strong in more ways than one- but she will do her best to keep the house together for his return.
She can feel grief settle in her bones, the worry etching its way into the marrow. She watches Akira turn himself into a ghost, drifting through the halls like a shadow. She watches Akechi, jaw tight, enter Maruki's room and not exit for a long, long time. Haru looks like she is fighting a war on two fronts, the cracks in her smile growing with each passing day. Adachi's quiet heartbreak echoes and hangs in the air and she can only imagine how Eren is right now. How all the people Maruki has loved and loved him in return must be fighting to not shatter.
It feels like no one believes he will be back. No one but her. Perhaps she is cheating with her ability to continue believing but personally she thinks after all the hell she has gotten she's owed something positive. No matter how hard she tries however, the edge of her ability gives just before certainty on when exactly he will return. It's enough to shake her faith but she pushes it down. Maruki will come back. As surely as she worries, picking at every thread in her reading for him until it unspools, she knows that some day soon the sun will rise, the house will breathe, and the tomb will crumble.
Until then she will repair what she can. She'll patch whatever she can't so it can limp along. She'll make sure that everyone is as fed and watered as she can make them, and wait.
She is patient. Maruki will come back home and Chihaya will embrace him with open arms when he does. And if the trials he has endured leave him weak, she'll endeavor to support him until he can stand on his own again.]
Hey.
I don't know if you'll receive this. Your place is still standing. Dunno if that's a good sign or not. Might be normal place fuckery. Maybe you're gone. Maybe you'll come back. Maybe that you won't be you.
[ a pause. ]
Nothing I can do about it. If I could fight time and space, god, all that shit . . . the spirit's willing, but I won't get far. I never do. But I got far enough. With you.
So.
[ another pause. ]
So. Good luck. Goodbye. Keep going. I'm glad you made it to my wedding. Glad you chose to be my best friend.
Keep going. To find that smile. That future.
I'll keep the dream going.
I don't know if you'll receive this. Your place is still standing. Dunno if that's a good sign or not. Might be normal place fuckery. Maybe you're gone. Maybe you'll come back. Maybe that you won't be you.
[ a pause. ]
Nothing I can do about it. If I could fight time and space, god, all that shit . . . the spirit's willing, but I won't get far. I never do. But I got far enough. With you.
So.
[ another pause. ]
So. Good luck. Goodbye. Keep going. I'm glad you made it to my wedding. Glad you chose to be my best friend.
Keep going. To find that smile. That future.
I'll keep the dream going.
Hey. I know you haven't been answering your phone lately, and I guess I kinda figured out that your missing thanks to some of your friends.
[ There's an awkward jitter in the letters he writes, from here on. Like a shaking hand wrote it.]
I don't think you're gone though. Not really. All your stuff is still here, after all. So you probably just did what I did, and got lost in the labyrinth, right? And that's probably why my texts aren't going through or whatever.
So, I guess... message me when you're back? I'd like to know you're okay. And.. If your hurt somehow, then I want to be able to help.
I don't know. I'll try heading back to the labyrinth to look for you. So if you get this message and I'm gone again and you can't get ahold of me, that's why.
I'll see you soon.
-Kazuya
[ There's an awkward jitter in the letters he writes, from here on. Like a shaking hand wrote it.]
I don't think you're gone though. Not really. All your stuff is still here, after all. So you probably just did what I did, and got lost in the labyrinth, right? And that's probably why my texts aren't going through or whatever.
So, I guess... message me when you're back? I'd like to know you're okay. And.. If your hurt somehow, then I want to be able to help.
I don't know. I'll try heading back to the labyrinth to look for you. So if you get this message and I'm gone again and you can't get ahold of me, that's why.
I'll see you soon.
-Kazuya
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