[ It's been quiet. Eerily so. Maruki must have slept in and through his alarm - not impossible given the state of house these days. Routines have to be relearned. Akechi knows he didn't tuck a child in last night, so the man will rise before long. He starts his own day, his own routines, his own usual exercises and haunts visited and-
There's no breakfast on the counter, half-made on the stove. Uncommon, but not odd. Akechi returned later than normal. Someone may have helped themselves to his plate.
No lunch either. No movement. No creak of a doorframe or sounds of life. Akechi walks by but-
It doesn't sound like he's there. Not uncommon. Not abnormal. There are innumerable tasks Maruki shoulders any given day within the house and outside of it. ]
It could be petulance. He wouldn't put it beyond Maruki to wish a setting on his phone to stop Akechi's texts when they're really at one another's throats, but-
It's not beyond him, but it's not something he's ever done in months spent together and Akechi can't foresee it starting now.
The tracking app's-
Not off.
Nonexistent. Nothing found. No service. No connection. No- ]
[MESSAGE NOT DELIVERED]
[ Akechi isn't sure what he sent. Can't read it. Tries- ]
[MESSAGE NOT DELIVERED]
[ Something else. Something else. The UN isn't wrong. Something else, because the UN isn't wrong. ]
He never waits, but the next morning he waits and waits and waits for-
Nothing. No one. Nothing. No one. Akechi Goro waits for nothing and no one. Doesn't sit and wait for nothing and no one through dusk, another night and-
There's nothing. No one.
This is why he waits for nothing and no one.
He doesn't know what to do with nothing and no one. ]
cw: violent thoughts, murder, suicide, ohhh its bad
He knows how to live with no one and he knows how to live with nothing.
And it's too fitting of a reminder. It's thinking he had a home only to be set on a curbside. It's thinking he had a mother only to lose her in the same breath. It's being on the cusp of believing someone who said they would go back together only to recognize that there's no one left to say it.
Akechi Goro knows nothing. Akechi Goro knows there's no one.
He knows it. Knew it. Knew it. He knew Maruki wasn't strong enough, couldn't do it, didn't fully believe the promise he said to a disbelieving boy again and again and again-
Because he's a liar. Of course he's a liar. He took a small boy in his arms and promised a home. He placed a hand on his back and promised a path.
Akechi Goro was an idiot. Akechi Goro should have known. Akechi Goro spent his youth learning the miniscule value of trust.
It was his fault for mustering up a drop to give. The months made him weak, pathetic, craving and yearning and grasping at a connection from-
A liar. Maruki is a liar. Akechi is liar who deserves to see nothing and no one in the memory of promise given.
Maruki is gone.
Maruki is gone.
Maruki is gone.
Akechi will stay.
Akechi doesn't want to stay.
Akechi doesn't want to be here and stay in empty rooms that don't have broken rafters to count because he left.
He left.
It's a punishment. Akechi's here. Maruki left. Maruki left without him and he won't be back.
They won't meet up.
Another year may span between them and Akechi doesn't care if they ever meet up.
He should have killed him.
He should have killed him.
He should have killed him.
He should have killed him while he had the chance to kill him and maybe he should have made it look like the world killed him by setting a gun in his palm his neck in a noose his neck in a noose his neck should be in a noose Akechi wants to hear it snap in a noose and see a body dangle from a ceiling too worn to hold him up and maybe it would feel better if he could see that body dangle from a ceiling tinted blue too worn from the world that took and took and took and Akechi took and Akechi took because Akechi takes and it's a curse that- ]
But that warped grotesque curse must exist still. Akechi can feel it. He can feel it. Of course he can feel it. Why did being with Maruki make him think he couldn't feel it.
He feels it. He can feel it. It makes him nauseous, dizzy, bile at the base of his throat swallowed down over and over and over.
He didn't feel it. He should have known. The empty bed under his palms is proof that nothing's meant to stay and Akechi-
Should focus. Should focus. Kill Shido, let the world do what it must after. Kill Shido, nothing else. Kill Shido, nothing else. Kill Shido, because there's nothing and no one and anything else that might have mattered means nothing to him and-
Maruki is gone.
Akechi will see through one act of mercy. It was always about debt. Akechi holds debt. Akechi will repay that debt to ghost.
It takes him-
Awhile. Awhile. A long time. So long. He doesn't know - maybe he does. It's another day, another morning, another evening where he doesn't know. Bag filled, another bag, so many bags because the ghost was sentimental, the ghost cared, the ghost had bonds and feelings and mementos and gifts that helped the ghost carry on-
Akechi is merciful. He can be merciful. He is merciful when he puts those delicate trinkets into a bag of their own. He is merciful when he folds and towers shirts that his fingers twist into because a child's desire weaves past the curse. He is merciful because he's no longer a child. The child would have let tears sting his eyes, try to find a heartbeat in what the ghost left behind-
But Akechi Goro isn't a child. Akechi Goro is a curse. Akechi Goro is merciful so he doesn't seek a beat, beat, beat in familiar outfits. He folds, piles, seals.
Akechi isn't merciful. Akechi Goro is cruel. He remembers at the cusp of dusk with a pounding ache behind his eyes. He remembers. Loki remembers and a room will bear that memory, that curse.
It feels good to create one, two, three cracks against a window and four, five, six cracks into a ceiling and seven, eight, nine cracks to the small, cramped spot between bed and wall where Akechi Goro used to pretend any of it mattered.
It feels good. He wants to puke. He feels great. He wants to puke. He feels great. He wants to puke. ]
It must be the world twisting his feelings because it doesn't. Because he remembers a child cradled in his arms, held under piles of blankets, wheezing and looking for promises from Akechi and-
He remembers being loved. He might have been loved. The ghost loved a child that could still pretend that love was his and-
It's morning, afternoon, dusk-
And there's nothing, no one and he doesn't give a shit at all. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shuts my eyes 1/???? who can say
There's no breakfast on the counter, half-made on the stove. Uncommon, but not odd. Akechi returned later than normal. Someone may have helped themselves to his plate.
No lunch either. No movement. No creak of a doorframe or sounds of life. Akechi walks by but-
It doesn't sound like he's there. Not uncommon. Not abnormal. There are innumerable tasks Maruki shoulders any given day within the house and outside of it. ]
If you're at the store, we need more fish.
no subject
[ The UN isn't wrong.
It could be petulance. He wouldn't put it beyond Maruki to wish a setting on his phone to stop Akechi's texts when they're really at one another's throats, but-
It's not beyond him, but it's not something he's ever done in months spent together and Akechi can't foresee it starting now.
The tracking app's-
Not off.
Nonexistent. Nothing found. No service. No connection. No- ]
[MESSAGE NOT DELIVERED]
[ Akechi isn't sure what he sent. Can't read it. Tries- ]
[MESSAGE NOT DELIVERED]
[ Something else. Something else. The UN isn't wrong. Something else, because the UN isn't wrong. ]
[MESSAGE NOT DELIVERED]
no subject
for nothing
Ever.
He never has.But tonight he waits. Waits.
Waits.
He never waits, but the next morning he waits and waits and waits for-Nothing. No one. Nothing. No one. Akechi Goro waits for nothing and no one. Doesn't sit and wait for nothing and no one through dusk, another night and-
There's nothing. No one.
This is why he waits for nothing and no one.
He doesn't know what to do with nothing and no one. ]
cw: violent thoughts, murder, suicide, ohhh its bad
He knows how to live with no one and he knows how to live with nothing.
And it's too fitting of a reminder. It's thinking he had a home only to be set on a curbside. It's thinking he had a mother only to lose her in the same breath. It's being on the cusp of believing someone who said they would go back together only to recognize that there's no one left to say it.
Akechi Goro knows nothing. Akechi Goro knows there's no one.
He knows it. Knew it. Knew it. He knew Maruki wasn't strong enough, couldn't do it, didn't fully believe the promise he said to a disbelieving boy again and again and again-
Because he's a liar. Of course he's a liar. He took a small boy in his arms and promised a home. He placed a hand on his back and promised a path.
Akechi Goro was an idiot. Akechi Goro should have known. Akechi Goro spent his youth learning the miniscule value of trust.
It was his fault for mustering up a drop to give. The months made him weak, pathetic, craving and yearning and grasping at a connection from-
A liar. Maruki is a liar. Akechi is liar who deserves to see nothing and no one in the memory of promise given.
Maruki is gone.
Maruki is gone.
Maruki is gone.
Akechi will stay.
Akechi doesn't want to stay.
Akechi doesn't want to be here and stay in empty rooms that don't have broken rafters to count because he left.
He left.
It's a punishment. Akechi's here. Maruki left. Maruki left without him and he won't be back.
They won't meet up.
Another year may span between them and Akechi doesn't care if they ever meet up.
He should have killed him.
He should have killed him.
He should have killed him while he had the chance to kill him and maybe he should have made it look like the world killed him by setting a gun in his palm his neck in a noose his neck in a noose his neck should be in a noose Akechi wants to hear it snap in a noose and see a body dangle from a ceiling too worn to hold him up and maybe it would feel better if he could see that body dangle from a ceiling tinted blue too worn from the world that took and took and took and Akechi took and Akechi took because Akechi takes and it's a curse that- ]
cw: UH. CONT IG. emeto mention
But that warped grotesque curse must exist still. Akechi can feel it. He can feel it. Of course he can feel it. Why did being with Maruki make him think he couldn't feel it.
He feels it. He can feel it. It makes him nauseous, dizzy, bile at the base of his throat swallowed down over and over and over.
He didn't feel it. He should have known. The empty bed under his palms is proof that nothing's meant to stay and Akechi-
Should focus. Should focus. Kill Shido, let the world do what it must after. Kill Shido, nothing else. Kill Shido, nothing else. Kill Shido, because there's nothing and no one and anything else that might have mattered means nothing to him and-
Maruki is gone.
Akechi will see through one act of mercy. It was always about debt. Akechi holds debt. Akechi will repay that debt to ghost.
It takes him-
Awhile. Awhile. A long time. So long. He doesn't know - maybe he does. It's another day, another morning, another evening where he doesn't know. Bag filled, another bag, so many bags because the ghost was sentimental, the ghost cared, the ghost had bonds and feelings and mementos and gifts that helped the ghost carry on-
Akechi is merciful. He can be merciful. He is merciful when he puts those delicate trinkets into a bag of their own. He is merciful when he folds and towers shirts that his fingers twist into because a child's desire weaves past the curse. He is merciful because he's no longer a child. The child would have let tears sting his eyes, try to find a heartbeat in what the ghost left behind-
But Akechi Goro isn't a child. Akechi Goro is a curse. Akechi Goro is merciful so he doesn't seek a beat, beat, beat in familiar outfits. He folds, piles, seals.
Akechi isn't merciful. Akechi Goro is cruel. He remembers at the cusp of dusk with a pounding ache behind his eyes. He remembers. Loki remembers and a room will bear that memory, that curse.
It feels good to create one, two, three cracks against a window and four, five, six cracks into a ceiling and seven, eight, nine cracks to the small, cramped spot between bed and wall where Akechi Goro used to pretend any of it mattered.
It feels good. He wants to puke. He feels great. He wants to puke. He feels great. He wants to puke. ]
end......for now. cw: CONT!!!!!!!!!!!! IG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It doesn't.
It must be the world twisting his feelings because it doesn't. Because he remembers a child cradled in his arms, held under piles of blankets, wheezing and looking for promises from Akechi and-
He remembers being loved. He might have been loved. The ghost loved a child that could still pretend that love was his and-
It's morning, afternoon, dusk-
And there's nothing, no one and he doesn't give a shit at all. ]