There was no way. As much as he wants to believe he'll have any amount of control over the way he ultimately leaves this reality for good, history isn't on his side. He blinked and was gone, and that was that. How can they warn for that?
Maruki hushes him softly, still smoothing over his cheeks, still trying to breathe deep as if he could fill Eren's lungs himself. ]
[Eren's breath doesn't come any easier; he realizes he's being selfish. Knowing someone will leave doesn't make losing them any easier, and Maruki has missed him too. How long has he been alone?
[Still choking on tears, Eren pulls Maruki into his arms, holds him tight against his chest. He holds him too hard, nearly bites when he leans in to kiss the top of his head. His voice still shakes, nose still sniffling.]
How long has it been? Maruki... [What has his poor Other been through?] I'm sorry...
[That word again. Eren feels they left each other...]
[ All his own breath wheezes out of him as Eren crushes him closer than ever, and then there's the pressure of lips against the top of his head–
And it startles him, like a domesticated animal left alone so long that its body forgot what affection feels like. How long has it been? Not long at all. He looks exactly the same as he did when he left; he isn't like Eren, returning years older. So much happened in only a few months, but the fact remains that it was only a few months.
Still, though...
His body, stock still for a long moment, gradually begins to melt into the hold as he remembers what it was like to have someone who will always embrace him like this. Hadn't he missed it, all the nights he spent alone in his apartment? Surely he didn't forget it. Perhaps his mind was only trying to protect itself. The miserable solitude of a clean slate would only have been more impossible to deal with if he'd constantly yearned for all the people he loved a whole reality away, and none more so than Eren.
Maruki's quiet, breathing this moment in. He clutches weakly at the fabric of Eren's shirt where his hands have landed on his back and starts to feel himself fall apart, the way he did atop a crumbling staircase to Eden.
He can't. Not yet. Eren hasn't even been put back together yet; they can't both shatter.
A deep breath as he speaks into Eren's chest: ]
A few months. It's okay... it really is.
[ And that's not a lie.
It really is.
Maruki lifts his head, looks up at Eren with nothing less than wonder. He hadn't forgotten, could never forget, but–
He never thought he'd love someone like this again. Not after finally letting go of Rumi's ghost.
And yet, here he is. Eren Jaeger.
Maruki surges up, forward, in, tipping their faces together to press his lips to Eren's like the first inhale of a new life all over again. ]
[They could both shatter. It would be okay, but that's not what happens. Not yet...
[The second-long kiss lasts a thousand years. Eren's grief melts away, calm cooling every feature, slowing the breath in his lungs. He holds Maruki's face in his hands and refuses to part, murmuring nothing between kisses, and breathing in his scent. I love you. I love you.]
Something cracks open in this new, fragile heart of his. Deep scar tissue and gnarled distortions have given way to something young, something delicate; one silent tear tracks down a stubbled cheek, then two. Maruki doesn't break the kiss, doesn't sob. He only leans further into it, arms wrapping tight around Eren's neck to fully cling on.
It's paradoxical, the way the weight of that loneliness is only amplified now that it's being quelled. As if he hadn't let himself realize the full extent of how painful it had been to face the world alone, because he knew it was necessary to do so.
But now, with all his weight leaning into Eren, with lips bruising tenderly–
The kiss breaks not with a sob, but a laugh. It bubbles up and over, and Maruki doesn't bother to stop it, wet and choking as it is. ]
[That laugh pierces. Eren struggles to evaluate the extent of its brokenness. There's a joy to it that the two of them have only felt while in each other's company, but it's a broken sort of joy too. Men like them shouldn't feel joy, and Eren's sure that Maruki hasn't. He struggles to remember every detail of what his dear Other knew was on the horizon, but he knows that he must have suffered tremendously. Men like them are made to.]
Somehow, he hadn't realized that eventually, he'll have to talk about it. Explain it. It'll be less difficult with Eren than anyone else, but that doesn't mean it's easy by any stretch of the imagination. And he'll have to talk to Akechi, to Akira–
No. He has to focus on the present, deal with the rest as it comes. One hand shifts to stroke through Eren's hair as Maruki forces himself to breathe, breathe. ]
[ If anything... it's probably better to have that sense of self-preservation. Eren surely saved both himself and others a lot of grief by not forcing himself to be around them.
That hand running through Eren's hair comes around, cups his cheek, runs a thumb across his skin. ]
[It's true. He has been alone. He's been alone in that terrible way where the only time you see another person is when you're at odds. Eren has lived that life before. This windmill is a safer refuge than anything he ever had back in his reality.
[But...even if that is true...
[His hand covers Maruki's where it touches his face.]
In a way, Maruki thinks perhaps his change of heart began even before he returned to undergo it in the true reality. With Eren, at least, he'd already learned not to hide his pain, to be honest about his fears and anxieties, to let himself be cared for.
He has to learn to do that with others, now. And that's terrifying, but–
He knows how to do it with Eren. That came long before Kurusu Akira saved his life to give him a new lease on it. ]
I... yes. I have.
[ He swallows, throat clicking, and nods as his wrist twists to try to grasp Eren's hand, clumsy as the motion is. ]
It was... difficult. [ Impossible, but he still got out of bed and faced the world every day. ] I still can't believe I'm not alone anymore. It felt like it would last the rest of my life.
No. [Maruki's hand is grasped tight. He shakes his head again.]
You weren't alone. Because I was here, waiting for you. You never will be alone. Because I'll always be waiting for you. Even after we leave this place, I'll be waiting for you.
At the end of everything, there will always be Eren. Here, or in their empty world, or in some other reality where they will find one another – he's never truly alone when the most important person exists in his very soul.
Still, though...
He draws Eren's hand down so he can hold it between them properly, clasping it in both of his own, fidgeting with it almost nervously. ]
I know. You're right. It's not that I ever forgot that, it was just... that loneliness felt realer than anything else.
[Of course. Because men like he and Maruki aren't meant to be alone. They aren't meant to be alone, and yet they're forced to be. Eren shifts and pulls and maneuvers the both of them until Maruki is lying back against his chest, Eren's arms around his middle, legs framing him on either side. He holds his other tight.]
[ Just like that, easy as anything, he's held fast in Eren's arms, completely enveloped by him as he matches his breathing to Eren's chest rising and falling against his back.
He's home.
He really is home...
He wraps both arms over Eren's, stroking over warm skin, and leans his head back against his shoulder. That phantom pain at his nape is more prevalent than ever. If Eren looks while they're in this position, he might see a small scar, striated in lines like those that cover Azathoth's tentacles. ]
I wish I could stay in here the rest of the day.
[ He can't. Obviously he can't. There are so many he needs to check up on... ]
[ Maruki lets that hang rhetorically; it isn't worth explaining to Eren that he does have a duty to others here, that he knows they weren't coping well in his absence. He isn't even sure it's worth explaining the state he left both Akechi and Akira in back in his true reality. The need to see them burns incandescent in his soul, but for now...
For now he can set it aside. They're here. He knows they are. He won't make them wait much longer, and he'll face whatever must be faced.
And at the end of the day–
He tips his head to look at Eren as his head still rests back on his shoulder, squeezing tighter in return, voice soft. ]
I don't want to sleep alone.
[ Ever again, really, but– ]
For a while... I need you to stay with me. If the others can understand, of course.
Edited (default icon my behated) 2025-10-14 03:49 (UTC)
They will. [Said so quickly that it's clear Eren doesn't particularly care one way or another what anyone has to say about it. Perhaps he should care more. He makes time to see everyone he needs to see, just as Maruki does. They won't go without him, but at night...]
I'll stay with you. No matter where you are, I'll be with you every night.
cries..... we can skip ahead to da sneepies if you want............
[ There was no part of him that expected Eren to say no, but still– hearing the reassurance, the promise, soothes Maruki in a way little else could.
He was doing okay with facing his new life alone. Wasn't he? He thinks he was. It wasn't easy, but he was able to do it. Being back in this reality makes that seem impossible, though. How could he have ever stood on his own?
He doesn't think he could stand to be alone for more than a few minutes now that he's back. In the coming days, weeks, perhaps even months– he'll always want the people he loves close at hand. He'll always want Eren closest of all. ]
Thank you, Eren...
[ All he can think about is that first night upon Eren's return, how Maruki held him close as he screamed himself to sleep in his bed. With their positions reversed, he doesn't know that he'll be able to make so much as a sound.
Maruki turns to brush a kiss against the underside of Eren's jaw, smiling a little despite himself. ]
[So, that night, it's quiet. Maruki and Eren are back in the machiya, just the same as they were the first night after Eren returned. They're tangled, of course, as always. Eren leaves murmuring little kisses across Maruki's temple, over the ridge of his ear, there at the height of his jaw. He doesn't say a word. The house is asleep, or so they say. Eren thinks they all have the good sense not to bother them.]
[ Eren doesn't say a word, and neither does Maruki.
He hasn't said a word since retiring to his room for the night. Since the moment he returned to this reality and ran into Chihaya in the garden, he hasn't had more than a minute to be alone with his thoughts. There were too many people he needed to see, too many situations he needed to handle–
And now, at the end of it all, the room is silent as Maruki truly begins to come to grips with being back.
It sinks in a little deeper with every feather-light kiss Eren brushes over him. They're sweet, undemanding things; he feels no pressure to reciprocate, knows Eren will pepper him with patient affection as he gradually decompresses.
There's not a single creak in the house. He doubts everyone is truly asleep, though, so his voice is a whisper when he finally breaks the silence. ]
I wish you could have seen where I was, the way I saw the Paths.
[ One hand at Eren's waist curls and uncurls, fingers toying with the fabric of his shirt. ]
It was a world inside my own cognition. I never knew about it until I returned...
[Maybe Eren should be shocked, but he isn't, of course. Maruki crafting realities of his own is the last thing that would surprise Eren. Every place he showed Armin, that world he and Mikasa created - surely, they're products of Eren's cognition too, as far as he understands it.
[ Maybe he will. Who's to say that can't happen? He shouldn't have been able to see the Paths either, and yet...
Perhaps behind another door in the labyrinth lies that model of Eden. ]
Can I tell you about it? [ A beat, and then a sheepish admission– ] I haven't been able to talk to anyone about this. Here, or back in my true reality. I want you to be the one to know...
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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There was no way. As much as he wants to believe he'll have any amount of control over the way he ultimately leaves this reality for good, history isn't on his side. He blinked and was gone, and that was that. How can they warn for that?
Maruki hushes him softly, still smoothing over his cheeks, still trying to breathe deep as if he could fill Eren's lungs himself. ]
I know. We will. We'll figure something out.
[ He doesn't know what yet, but they will. ]
For now, just be here with me. I've missed you...
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[Still choking on tears, Eren pulls Maruki into his arms, holds him tight against his chest. He holds him too hard, nearly bites when he leans in to kiss the top of his head. His voice still shakes, nose still sniffling.]
How long has it been? Maruki... [What has his poor Other been through?] I'm sorry...
[That word again. Eren feels they left each other...]
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And it startles him, like a domesticated animal left alone so long that its body forgot what affection feels like. How long has it been? Not long at all. He looks exactly the same as he did when he left; he isn't like Eren, returning years older. So much happened in only a few months, but the fact remains that it was only a few months.
Still, though...
His body, stock still for a long moment, gradually begins to melt into the hold as he remembers what it was like to have someone who will always embrace him like this. Hadn't he missed it, all the nights he spent alone in his apartment? Surely he didn't forget it. Perhaps his mind was only trying to protect itself. The miserable solitude of a clean slate would only have been more impossible to deal with if he'd constantly yearned for all the people he loved a whole reality away, and none more so than Eren.
Maruki's quiet, breathing this moment in. He clutches weakly at the fabric of Eren's shirt where his hands have landed on his back and starts to feel himself fall apart, the way he did atop a crumbling staircase to Eden.
He can't. Not yet. Eren hasn't even been put back together yet; they can't both shatter.
A deep breath as he speaks into Eren's chest: ]
A few months. It's okay... it really is.
[ And that's not a lie.
It really is.
Maruki lifts his head, looks up at Eren with nothing less than wonder. He hadn't forgotten, could never forget, but–
He never thought he'd love someone like this again. Not after finally letting go of Rumi's ghost.
And yet, here he is. Eren Jaeger.
Maruki surges up, forward, in, tipping their faces together to press his lips to Eren's like the first inhale of a new life all over again. ]
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[The second-long kiss lasts a thousand years. Eren's grief melts away, calm cooling every feature, slowing the breath in his lungs. He holds Maruki's face in his hands and refuses to part, murmuring nothing between kisses, and breathing in his scent. I love you. I love you.]
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Something cracks open in this new, fragile heart of his. Deep scar tissue and gnarled distortions have given way to something young, something delicate; one silent tear tracks down a stubbled cheek, then two. Maruki doesn't break the kiss, doesn't sob. He only leans further into it, arms wrapping tight around Eren's neck to fully cling on.
It's paradoxical, the way the weight of that loneliness is only amplified now that it's being quelled. As if he hadn't let himself realize the full extent of how painful it had been to face the world alone, because he knew it was necessary to do so.
But now, with all his weight leaning into Eren, with lips bruising tenderly–
The kiss breaks not with a sob, but a laugh. It bubbles up and over, and Maruki doesn't bother to stop it, wet and choking as it is. ]
I'll always come back to you. Always.
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Maruki...
[Eren kisses him so tenderly between his words.]
I'm here now. Whatever happened...
I've got you.
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Somehow, he hadn't realized that eventually, he'll have to talk about it. Explain it. It'll be less difficult with Eren than anyone else, but that doesn't mean it's easy by any stretch of the imagination. And he'll have to talk to Akechi, to Akira–
No. He has to focus on the present, deal with the rest as it comes. One hand shifts to stroke through Eren's hair as Maruki forces himself to breathe, breathe. ]
I know... I'm so grateful. Eren.
[ More grateful than ever. ]
Have you been in here all this time?
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I'm not strong like you. I couldn't stand to look at them. Anyone else.
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That doesn't mean you aren't strong.
[ If anything... it's probably better to have that sense of self-preservation. Eren surely saved both himself and others a lot of grief by not forcing himself to be around them.
That hand running through Eren's hair comes around, cups his cheek, runs a thumb across his skin. ]
You've been so alone, haven't you? Oh, Eren...
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[But...even if that is true...
[His hand covers Maruki's where it touches his face.]
Haven't you? Maruki...
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In a way, Maruki thinks perhaps his change of heart began even before he returned to undergo it in the true reality. With Eren, at least, he'd already learned not to hide his pain, to be honest about his fears and anxieties, to let himself be cared for.
He has to learn to do that with others, now. And that's terrifying, but–
He knows how to do it with Eren. That came long before Kurusu Akira saved his life to give him a new lease on it. ]
I... yes. I have.
[ He swallows, throat clicking, and nods as his wrist twists to try to grasp Eren's hand, clumsy as the motion is. ]
It was... difficult. [ Impossible, but he still got out of bed and faced the world every day. ] I still can't believe I'm not alone anymore. It felt like it would last the rest of my life.
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No. [Maruki's hand is grasped tight. He shakes his head again.]
You weren't alone. Because I was here, waiting for you. You never will be alone. Because I'll always be waiting for you. Even after we leave this place, I'll be waiting for you.
crawls back in on my hands and knees
He knows.
At the end of everything, there will always be Eren. Here, or in their empty world, or in some other reality where they will find one another – he's never truly alone when the most important person exists in his very soul.
Still, though...
He draws Eren's hand down so he can hold it between them properly, clasping it in both of his own, fidgeting with it almost nervously. ]
I know. You're right. It's not that I ever forgot that, it was just... that loneliness felt realer than anything else.
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That's over now. You're home...
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He's home.
He really is home...
He wraps both arms over Eren's, stroking over warm skin, and leans his head back against his shoulder. That phantom pain at his nape is more prevalent than ever. If Eren looks while they're in this position, he might see a small scar, striated in lines like those that cover Azathoth's tentacles. ]
I wish I could stay in here the rest of the day.
[ He can't. Obviously he can't. There are so many he needs to check up on... ]
Can I ask a favor of you?
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Please...don't go yet...
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Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere just yet. Not until I have to.
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[No one who missed Maruki missed him as much, in the right way, with as much love and heartbreak as Eren; he holds him even tighter.]
What's the favor?
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For now he can set it aside. They're here. He knows they are. He won't make them wait much longer, and he'll face whatever must be faced.
And at the end of the day–
He tips his head to look at Eren as his head still rests back on his shoulder, squeezing tighter in return, voice soft. ]
I don't want to sleep alone.
[ Ever again, really, but– ]
For a while... I need you to stay with me. If the others can understand, of course.
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I'll stay with you. No matter where you are, I'll be with you every night.
cries..... we can skip ahead to da sneepies if you want............
He was doing okay with facing his new life alone. Wasn't he? He thinks he was. It wasn't easy, but he was able to do it. Being back in this reality makes that seem impossible, though. How could he have ever stood on his own?
He doesn't think he could stand to be alone for more than a few minutes now that he's back. In the coming days, weeks, perhaps even months– he'll always want the people he loves close at hand. He'll always want Eren closest of all. ]
Thank you, Eren...
[ All he can think about is that first night upon Eren's return, how Maruki held him close as he screamed himself to sleep in his bed. With their positions reversed, he doesn't know that he'll be able to make so much as a sound.
Maruki turns to brush a kiss against the underside of Eren's jaw, smiling a little despite himself. ]
I don't know what I'd do without you.
AYE AYE CAPTAIN
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He hasn't said a word since retiring to his room for the night. Since the moment he returned to this reality and ran into Chihaya in the garden, he hasn't had more than a minute to be alone with his thoughts. There were too many people he needed to see, too many situations he needed to handle–
And now, at the end of it all, the room is silent as Maruki truly begins to come to grips with being back.
It sinks in a little deeper with every feather-light kiss Eren brushes over him. They're sweet, undemanding things; he feels no pressure to reciprocate, knows Eren will pepper him with patient affection as he gradually decompresses.
There's not a single creak in the house. He doubts everyone is truly asleep, though, so his voice is a whisper when he finally breaks the silence. ]
I wish you could have seen where I was, the way I saw the Paths.
[ One hand at Eren's waist curls and uncurls, fingers toying with the fabric of his shirt. ]
It was a world inside my own cognition. I never knew about it until I returned...
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[So, they're gods. And:]
I wish I could see it too. Maybe I will one day.
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Perhaps behind another door in the labyrinth lies that model of Eden. ]
Can I tell you about it? [ A beat, and then a sheepish admission– ] I haven't been able to talk to anyone about this. Here, or back in my true reality. I want you to be the one to know...
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tree of knowledge do u mean the ymir myth
HONESTLY...........
closes my eyes
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I'm crying at this development ohhh MUKIS!!!
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they're so delusional
bad news king his threads continued chronologically so he must
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