[Ah. Eren's eyes drop down between them, his hand fiddled with in silence. He hates that Maruki understands. He doesn't want him to understand. He loves him too much.
[It's a terrible thing to understand. Eren told Maruki that he no longer longs for death, but that doesn't mean he doesn't long for the rest that inevitably comes with it. He thinks about it every time he wakes up another morning. It's maddening.
[Maruki has never been like that. If it was their one and only difference, Eren might have wished for it never to have changed.
[He kisses Maruki's forehead.]
You can tell me. If you do still feel that way. Even just a little.
[ He can tell Eren if he does still feel that way, even just a little.
Maruki's quiet, eyes closed, the places where Eren's lips were still tingling with warmth. How could he want to die when he can experience things like that?
Maybe he did, piecing together fragments of his life in an empty apartment, trying to figure out how to start from square one without anyone to lean on. Maybe he did, but it passed, maybe because he made it pass, and now–
He shakes his head, hand squeezing Eren's tight. ]
If I do, it's only a very little. I want to live. I really do want to live, even if it's painful.
[ It comes out on an exhale that's very nearly a laugh. Maruki can't stop himself from smiling at his Other, radiant even in his exhaustion. ]
Always.
[ Gently, so gently, he gives Eren a little push until he rolls onto his back. It's easy as anything to slot himself beneath Eren's arm, to rest his head on his chest, exactly how they slept together so many times before he left – he never really forgot, did he? Even if his cognition was protecting him from his memories of this place to allow him to move on, no, he never forgot, it never truly left him...
Maruki settles there, an arm draped lazily around Eren's waist, ear pressed over his persistent heartbeat. His glasses are still on, but it's okay. He knows Eren will take them off for him when he begins to fall asleep.
And it may be soon, eyelids heavy as he stifles a yawn, fingers scritching idly against Eren's side. ]
Don't let me sleep through the whole day tomorrow. I have more people to see.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I'm crying at this development ohhh MUKIS!!!
[It's a terrible thing to understand. Eren told Maruki that he no longer longs for death, but that doesn't mean he doesn't long for the rest that inevitably comes with it. He thinks about it every time he wakes up another morning. It's maddening.
[Maruki has never been like that. If it was their one and only difference, Eren might have wished for it never to have changed.
[He kisses Maruki's forehead.]
You can tell me. If you do still feel that way. Even just a little.
no subject
Maruki's quiet, eyes closed, the places where Eren's lips were still tingling with warmth. How could he want to die when he can experience things like that?
Maybe he did, piecing together fragments of his life in an empty apartment, trying to figure out how to start from square one without anyone to lean on. Maybe he did, but it passed, maybe because he made it pass, and now–
He shakes his head, hand squeezing Eren's tight. ]
If I do, it's only a very little. I want to live. I really do want to live, even if it's painful.
no subject
I want to feel this again. [His arms briefly tighten around his Other's body.] Again and again.
no subject
To steady Akechi after they've both tasted their own blood.
To hold Akira's hands and bring that light back to his eyes.
It's all worth it to be in this reality again.
Maruki's arms wrap around Eren too, hugging him close, squeezing with all his meager might. ]
Thank you for listening– and I know that I don't have to thank you, but let me do it anyway.
no subject
[If Maruki's allowed to say it, Eren should be able to also...
[His fingers scratch at the nape of Maruki's neck.]
For coming back to me.
no subject
[ It comes out on an exhale that's very nearly a laugh. Maruki can't stop himself from smiling at his Other, radiant even in his exhaustion. ]
Always.
[ Gently, so gently, he gives Eren a little push until he rolls onto his back. It's easy as anything to slot himself beneath Eren's arm, to rest his head on his chest, exactly how they slept together so many times before he left – he never really forgot, did he? Even if his cognition was protecting him from his memories of this place to allow him to move on, no, he never forgot, it never truly left him...
Maruki settles there, an arm draped lazily around Eren's waist, ear pressed over his persistent heartbeat. His glasses are still on, but it's okay. He knows Eren will take them off for him when he begins to fall asleep.
And it may be soon, eyelids heavy as he stifles a yawn, fingers scritching idly against Eren's side. ]
Don't let me sleep through the whole day tomorrow. I have more people to see.
they're so delusional
[Eren's voice is quiet, tired in its own right, ten sleepless nights. His arms lock around Maruki and squeeze.]
I won't let you see anyone else.
bad news king his threads continued chronologically so he must
Okay. Then don't let me sleep through the whole day tomorrow, because I want to wake up and see you.
no subject
[They close their eyes. Eren waits for Maruki's breathing to slow to slow his own, and then, they're asleep. Eren dreams.]