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[placation]

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[placation]

Okay...

What can I do to help?

[wintolive]

Sorry. I don't know.

I know you want to.

There's not much to say, anymore. I'm just here.

[placation]

[ Deeply concerning. Eren has never been without things to say, oftentimes too many. ]

You don't have to say anything if you don't want to... or can't. I'll still want you around regardless. You don't have to apologize.

If I can help just by being by your side and not making you talk, then I'll do that too.

[wintolive]

[There's a sizeable pause between text messages. His brain is a circus of memories.]

She killed me. Did I tell you that?

[placation]

Sky? Yes, you did.

[ Some variations on I'm still so sorry typed and deleted several times. Maruki is miserable with how much he means it, grief for Eren and Lehna and any others who died still twisted around his heart like those vines that ripped through his flesh. ]

You came over and told me. Do you remember that night...?

[wintolive]

Mikasa.

[placation]

What?

cw: lmao uh SEVERE INJURY MENTION

[wintolive]

Mikasa was the one who killed me. Back home, when my friends stopped The Rumbling.

She took my head. I saw her. She was the last thing, even after it was cut.

[What was that about Eren saying too much...?]

[placation]

[ And there it is!!!!

Okay, so it's going to be that kind of talk. Maruki stops fucking around in the garden in Vash's extended absence, sits down cross-legged in the grass to fully focus on this conversation. ]

What a tremendous act of love that must have been for her to do.

Many other things too, I'm sure, but... love sounds like it was no small part of it.

[wintolive]

She loves me more than anything.

I destroyed her.

[placation]

And yet the love remains.

You'll see her again, Eren.

[wintolive]

She won't see me again.

[placation]

Why not?

[wintolive]

[Abrupt anger. Isn't he listening?]

Because I sent her back to nothing. I'm gone.

[placation]

[ Eren, when you are more lucid one day, reread this conversation and imagine Maruki trying to follow it. HE'S DOING HIS BEST. ]

Anything can happen. I think we all just spent a couple weeks learning that. Don't write your future off so completely.

[wintolive]

[Simply read minds. Eren's done it.]

I'm not looking for hope.

I just wanted you to understand.

[placation]

[ He is so tired. Possibly has never been more tired. ]

And I'm not trying to give you hope. I'm just stating facts.

Thank you for telling me.

I'm sorry this has happened to you, Eren. It's so hard, and you don't deserve it.

[wintolive]

[Tell him about it...

[No more talking about what Eren does and doesn't deserve. It's happening. It's hard. So is everything. Eren's never known rest. Never will.

[Oh, well.]

Things have settled now. I saw that your office is closed. Let me know when to start bringing meals again.

[placation]

You're still going to do that?

[wintolive]

What else is there to do?

If I lie around all day, Captain Levi will just flip me out of bed himself. If nothing matters, then fine. I'll just keep doing what I always do. I have no choice.

[That's how it's always been. "Keep moving forward." What else was he supposed to think?]

I haven't forgotten the fight. But it's just like it's always been. We're stuck still again.

[placation]

[ Hm.

Consider Venat's words. Extend honesty and vulnerability. Try to break through. ]

I understand.

I didn't close my office because of the repairs being done to the buildings. I closed it because I need to take a break. I haven't taken a break in

Years, I guess. A decade. Maybe longer.

At this moment, if I keep doing what I always do, I may bend far enough that I actually break, and then I'll be of no use to anyone. So- a forced rest.

Something to keep in mind, perhaps. You always have a choice, Eren.

[wintolive]

[No...

[No, he's never had that choice.]

You should take a break if you can. You deserve that. [Genuine words, despite everything; it matters.]

I can't. [He stares at his phone. He begs for understanding.] I just can't.

Still, I won't bother you. Just tell me when you get hungry again.

[placation]

You can.

And you're not bothering me.

The office will reopen in a week. Until then, I'm laying low at home. You're welcome to come by any time. I won't make you talk - or if you do want to talk, I'll listen - but either way, I'd like to see you.

[wintolive]

[Would he like to see Maruki? Would he like to see anyone? In a "before it's too late" sense, sure; in a "the more you love them, the more it hurts" sense, not so much...]

I won't make you listen. Not if you're taking a break.

[He hasn't spoken to Akechi since...whatever that was. That castle probably isn't the best place for him, but some stubborn grudge tells him that's all the more reason to go. Why should he get to decide?]

I'll still be fucked a week from now, so don't worry.

If you'd like to see me, I'll come. Just tell me when.

[placation]

You're my friend. I'm not taking a break from our friendship, just from having to be out in the populace for a bit. I'll always want to see you, no matter how messed up you are.

Accept it or don't, it will remain true regardless.

I'll see you in a couple days, how about that?