[ has he ever dealt with a kotatsu before? not really. the cold, at the very least, bothers him less this time. he's managed enough maintenance to avoid issues.
he dangles the bottle of sake before sitting down. ]
[ Come to him!! He's got an assortment of little snacks out for a bastardized charcuterie board. And now they have sake? Maruki couldn't look more pleased. ]
Sort of! It's like if a heated blanket and a table were combined... but better than that.
[ Don't mind him while he gets to pouring their drinks. ]
What's the occasion? Celebrating surviving another round of forced social media, or something else...?
[ YOU'RE KISSING HIS BEST FRIEND/SOULMATE NOW AREN'T YOU. ]
That's all Maruki wants to hear, really, and it's a testament to how comfortable he is with Dolph that he puts the sake bottle down to clutch both hands together over his heart. ]
You want to hang out? With me? I'm honored...!!
[ The dramatics drop away after a moment, but he's still smiling like an idiot. ]
You should know I always want to hang out with you. You don't even have to ask before you come over!
[ That smile drops off gradually, and Maruki takes a couple thoughtful sips of sake before tackling that. ]
I understand. I never intended to take in as many people as I have. I don't regret it, but... it does make it more difficult for others to feel comfortable coming over here.
[ It's the same with Eren. Maruki got a whole new house in Stellari just so Eren would have a safe place to go. ]
[ Oh, get nudged under the kotatsu, bestie. Maruki's not upset by the turn of the conversation. If anything, he looks genuinely sympathetic – and curious. Understanding what makes Dolph comfortable and happy is important to him.
He leaves his sockfoot there, resting on Dolph's knee. ]
It's okay, I understand what you're getting at. It's not really something I'm used to either. I was alone for a long time before this.
[ Dolph already knows. It isn't worth dwelling on. ]
Does it ever overwhelm you? Having this many people tangled up in your life.
[ he . . . lets it rest. once, long ago, he was a person just like this. he had discovered it under alex's patient hands. little touches. present and steady moments. it is things like this that remind him he's human. ]
Yeah. It's jarring. Before it'd be some ploy or trick. And when it's not, I'm still just figuring out the why.
I just wanted one person. Having more seemed . . . greedy.
[ As ever, Dolph wants to little for himself, it's nearly comical. He's the last person who has to worry about seeming greedy...
Their reasoning is different, but the end result is the same. A mirror held up to one another, each wanting more for the other than they're capable of wanting for themselves. ]
[ he inclines his head, accepting that. he has a club. friends. lovers. he has so much more. he doesn't want to dismiss all that by calling it greed. they deserve better. and . . . so does he. ]
It's not greed. It's . . . how it's supposed to be, isn't it?
I think I spent most of my time harassing my new housemates, for better or for worse. [ He may or may not have threatened Adachi. ] Kazuya and I had a nice chat about the possibility of one day meeting back in Tokyo... [ Ah, shit, that's another teen. Divert! ] But for the most part, I just had a bit of fun convincing people the Oracle wrote that for me.
I had a feeling. The touch was just the right amount of personal.
[ and the oracle's never been that deft. whatever it does, it does with the force of a sledgehammer. he is going to note kazuya's name though. just in case.
he gives a sly smile. ]
I thought you'd like to know how things went with me and Eren.
I think . . . [ he pauses, looking down at his cup. ] . . . I think we finally got through to each other. He finally understood what I meant. What I always meant to say.
[ Maruki laughs at that as well, soft and gentle, then considers it for a moment before speaking. ]
If I may...
[ He reaches across the little tabletop, rests a hand over one of Dolph's. ]
You've both come so far since I first met you. Even if you had been able to understand each other earlier, I think... it's for the best that it happened now. As the people that you both are now.
[ For a moment, it sounds like more might come, but Maruki decides he's satisfied with that and nods, squeezes his fingers over Dolph's. ]
[ maybe that's true. though dolph will always miss the bright-eyed eren. even if he was always angry with dolph, struggled to make sense of his own feelings . . . maybe this was for the first. maybe this was the only way he could have reached him. he curls his fingers around maruki's. ]
He never believed in his happiness. I always did. It was one of the things we clashed about, constantly.
[ It's funny, really. He and Eren have talked about how men like them can't rest, can't stop, can't ever be happy. Yet they've undoubtedly found more happiness in each other than anyone else. Eren's even cried from happiness around him. Yet Maruki never put words to it like that – and really, it only makes sense that it happened this way. Leave it to Dolph – wonderful, blunt Dolph who brooks no bullshit and cuts straight to the heart of every matter – to state the truth so plainly, so beautifully, that even Eren couldn't deny it.
Their hands tangle together now. Maruki grins back at him, so grateful he could burst. ]
I'm so glad. Really, I'm so happy you two were able to get on the same page. And... Thank you for doing that for him. I think it's really changed him.
[ his cheeks flush at the full force of that grin. it feels like too much credit, too much. he doesn't feel he did anything special as much as he . . . finally figured out what he needed to say. what words he needed to reach eren finally. close the gap. if anything, he felt he took too long about it.
but. they are here now. they are all here.
his face still dark, dolph takes their entangled hands and presses it to his forehead. to help hide his face. ]
[ Oh, Dolph's ridiculously adorable when he starts blushing. Maruki almost wants to tease him for it, but, well– how many times has he blushed around Dolph, and he's (mostly) not gotten any shit for it?
So he lets it go, lets Dolph try to hide his face with their joined hands.
Dork. ]
I meant it when I said there's no one else I'd trust with that. Or with him. I don't...
[ think most people deserve Eren, but it never quite materializes. Maruki just shrugs, shakes his head as his smile goes more subdued. ]
I can't explain it very well with words. I just knew you two ought to be together. That's all.
[ normally, he'd question that. not simply because he's doubtful by nature and rightfully so, considering his experiences. absolutes always feel dangerous to him. oh, he always yearned for them. wanted them. the straining desire to not have the floor collapse from underneath resonates in what he does. what he says. what he attempts.
but he'd question because it's important to. it matters. because dolph has the choice to question. that was a luxury he'll never ignore.
dolph considers it.
and puts it away.
it's not necessary. not with maruki. not with eren. his answer wouldn't change. us being together is our happiness.
instead he thinks back to his conversations with maruki and eren. and finds his own words. he even thinks of alex once more. when alex's body went cold and quiet. looking down at the disaster he had wrought. how can we be the same? dolph had despaired, I loved you so much and we weren't the same.
this time.
this time though. ]
Willpower.
Right?
[ a brief tentative pause. he squeezes their fingers. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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The machiya is quiet... for now. Come hang out with me here.
[ It's snowing. The kotatsu is on. Come get COSY. ]
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I'll be right over.
[ has he ever dealt with a kotatsu before? not really. the cold, at the very least, bothers him less this time. he's managed enough maintenance to avoid issues.
he dangles the bottle of sake before sitting down. ]
So this is a heated blanket?
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Sort of! It's like if a heated blanket and a table were combined... but better than that.
[ Don't mind him while he gets to pouring their drinks. ]
What's the occasion? Celebrating surviving another round of forced social media, or something else...?
[ YOU'RE KISSING HIS BEST FRIEND/SOULMATE NOW AREN'T YOU. ]
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You all get off easy. I lived the forced social media experience for years. Get a shitty movie about your life then we'll talk.
[ he waves it off. ]
Anyway it's not like. An occasion. I just . . . wanted to hang out.
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That's all Maruki wants to hear, really, and it's a testament to how comfortable he is with Dolph that he puts the sake bottle down to clutch both hands together over his heart. ]
You want to hang out? With me? I'm honored...!!
[ The dramatics drop away after a moment, but he's still smiling like an idiot. ]
You should know I always want to hang out with you. You don't even have to ask before you come over!
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Yeah. Well. . . . Me too. It's the same for me.
It's just you've got a lot of people here now and . . . [ dolph trails off, shaking his head. ] . . . I've never been good about. Even on the farm.
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[ That smile drops off gradually, and Maruki takes a couple thoughtful sips of sake before tackling that. ]
I understand. I never intended to take in as many people as I have. I don't regret it, but... it does make it more difficult for others to feel comfortable coming over here.
[ It's the same with Eren. Maruki got a whole new house in Stellari just so Eren would have a safe place to go. ]
Is it that bad, being on the farm?
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[ now he feels like shit. he's been here all of five seconds and he's brought down the mood. like some energy vampire. ]
But I don't know if it's a home. Or my home. So Jean and I were thinking of getting our own place.
[ a beat. a struggle. ]
None of this is bad. You having people around, it's never bad. It's what you deserve.
And I'll do it for you. I'll come by any time. It's just not . . . something I'm used to, is all I meant.
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He leaves his sockfoot there, resting on Dolph's knee. ]
It's okay, I understand what you're getting at. It's not really something I'm used to either. I was alone for a long time before this.
[ Dolph already knows. It isn't worth dwelling on. ]
Does it ever overwhelm you? Having this many people tangled up in your life.
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Yeah. It's jarring. Before it'd be some ploy or trick. And when it's not, I'm still just figuring out the why.
I just wanted one person. Having more seemed . . . greedy.
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Their reasoning is different, but the end result is the same. A mirror held up to one another, each wanting more for the other than they're capable of wanting for themselves. ]
Maybe it's okay to be greedy now.
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It's not greed. It's . . . how it's supposed to be, isn't it?
This is what life is.
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You're right! And I didn't even have to say it first. You really have come a long way, Dolph.
[ And then he holds out a little sake cup for a cheers. It's deserved!!! ]
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So how was your Sleepr? Made any breakthroughs?
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[ Well.
Well. ]
I think I spent most of my time harassing my new housemates, for better or for worse. [ He may or may not have threatened Adachi. ] Kazuya and I had a nice chat about the possibility of one day meeting back in Tokyo... [ Ah, shit, that's another teen. Divert! ] But for the most part, I just had a bit of fun convincing people the Oracle wrote that for me.
[ A beat. ]
It didn't. Obviously. It was Eren.
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[ and the oracle's never been that deft. whatever it does, it does with the force of a sledgehammer. he is going to note kazuya's name though. just in case.
he gives a sly smile. ]
I thought you'd like to know how things went with me and Eren.
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Yes. Yes please.
[ He's heard it from Eren, but... he wants to hear it from Dolph too. That's equally important in a different way. ]
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[ a dry chuckle. ]
I just sucked at saying it.
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If I may...
[ He reaches across the little tabletop, rests a hand over one of Dolph's. ]
You've both come so far since I first met you. Even if you had been able to understand each other earlier, I think... it's for the best that it happened now. As the people that you both are now.
[ For a moment, it sounds like more might come, but Maruki decides he's satisfied with that and nods, squeezes his fingers over Dolph's. ]
But that's beside the point – what did you say?
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He never believed in his happiness. I always did. It was one of the things we clashed about, constantly.
[ he smiles fondly. ]
And then it came to me. The answer.
So I said, "Us being together is our happiness."
And he understood.
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Their hands tangle together now. Maruki grins back at him, so grateful he could burst. ]
I'm so glad. Really, I'm so happy you two were able to get on the same page. And... Thank you for doing that for him. I think it's really changed him.
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but. they are here now. they are all here.
his face still dark, dolph takes their entangled hands and presses it to his forehead. to help hide his face. ]
Thanks. For believing I could do it.
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So he lets it go, lets Dolph try to hide his face with their joined hands.
Dork. ]
I meant it when I said there's no one else I'd trust with that. Or with him. I don't...
[ think most people deserve Eren, but it never quite materializes. Maruki just shrugs, shakes his head as his smile goes more subdued. ]
I can't explain it very well with words. I just knew you two ought to be together. That's all.
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but he'd question because it's important to. it matters. because dolph has the choice to question. that was a luxury he'll never ignore.
dolph considers it.
and puts it away.
it's not necessary. not with maruki. not with eren. his answer wouldn't change. us being together is our happiness.
instead he thinks back to his conversations with maruki and eren. and finds his own words. he even thinks of alex once more. when alex's body went cold and quiet. looking down at the disaster he had wrought. how can we be the same? dolph had despaired, I loved you so much and we weren't the same.
this time.
this time though. ]
Willpower.
Right?
[ a brief tentative pause. he squeezes their fingers. ]
Our willpower links us together.
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Yeah. Yes, that– actually, that's exactly it.
[ A hesitation. ]
I think that's the thread that ties together everyone here that I love.
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cw: brief mention of medical abuse
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multiple, cw: suicide ideation
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ennnnd im dead thank you