[ It's beautiful, isn't it? The way he can stand there at the kitchen window, both arms outstretched for a bird to land on.
Eren could fly in himself, of course, but no– Maruki wants to be able to bring him inside, to hold him against his chest for a moment, safe and warm. ]
[ Neither of them see their own strength, then. Maruki smiles down at him, lets him burrow against his chest as he moves away from the window, over to the alcove off their dining area.
He sits cross-legged there, so that if Eren transforms back right there in his arms, at least they'll both have a softer landing than they would standing around. ]
[Maruki may as well be beckoning his human form, saying that. Eren appears in his lap, three times too big for it, not that it's ever mattered. He wraps his arms and legs around Maruki without much care for who might see.]
[Something has changed. Maruki's happiness is found in cooking dinner for the residents of the machiya. He loves them all, and he proclaims they love him too, that they aren't useless, that they give him something he wouldn't otherwise have.
[Eren still hates them. He's not even sure why he hates them, but he knows that he hates them.
[But if they're what Maruki wants, then fine. Eren will defer to Maruki's wish. He'll allow these people to be what they are, he won't complain.
[He'll try.
[He nods his head into Maruki's shoulder.]
Okay. I will.
[He's never agreed to it before, cooking in the machiya specifically. They'll probably realize Maruki wasn't working alone when they notice the flaws in his meal.]
[ His heart lifts in his chest at the agreement, the promise that soon they'll be cooking together–
Soon, but not just yet.
Maruki leans his head down against Eren's, voice quiet. ]
There's so much I need to tell you about what happened to me. I'm still finding the words for some of it, and... I'm afraid there are parts you'll hate me for, just a bit.
[ Anyone who knows Akechi Goro as well as they do should and would. If there is one thing Maruki doesn't deserve forgiveness for, it's that. ]
But what you said today, about balancing the scales... that helped more than you know, Eren.
[ He almost wishes Eren hadn't let go of his face. Maruki grabs his hand as if to bring it back up and only ends up squeezing it, a motion as anxious as his expression begins to turn. ]
I'm... trying not to. But that's a long uphill climb, Eren.
[ If he had someone like Eren to tell him that in those lonely days and weeks following his change of heart–
If he hadn't had to pick his broken pieces up off the floor every night to try to reshape himself into a person worthy of this second chance, one who could go out and face the world he failed–
Maybe he would be stronger now. Maybe there wouldn't be so much of that mountain left to scale.
As happy as he is being back in this reality, every day that he's spent here in the company of so many he loves has made his circumstances back home feel that much starker.
It starts to set in once more, and–
He can't. Can't go into it, right here, right now. Can't think about it. Maruki brushes it away from his mind, reaches for Eren with both arms. ]
[ For as much progress as he's made, both in this reality and during his stint back home, he feels like the combination of the two has put him on the back foot somewhat. Hadn't he already learned to give himself what he so freely gives to others? That patience, that grace, that belief.
The urge to apologize for an unintentional backslide sits on his tongue, but it's swallowed down. He doesn't have to apologize to Eren for that. For anything about himself.
He only nods, face tucked into the curve of Eren's neck for a few deep breaths before he picks it up again and looks at him, eyes shining and serious all at once. ]
I will. I'll try. If you don't mind reminding me occasionally, like this... it really does help.
I want to stay with you every night. Of course I will.
[ And then, a gentle tug, a suggestion that they ought to leave this little alcove, this tangle of their bodies. A promise that they'll return to it later, in the privacy of his room. For now, though– ]
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What? Why???
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[Eren has learned to appreciate happiness as it comes, but he could never seek it out for himself, never wish it upon himself.]
You're stronger than me. You're better.
sorry to do the behated text to action but like. gotta
[ ... ]
I'm not better than you. I'm not better than anyone.
Will you come see me? I'm just at the machiya.
OH HUSH ERERUKI IS EXEMPT
[Wide enough for a gull to fit through. Eren starts flying without another word. It will only take minutes to get there.]
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Eren could fly in himself, of course, but no– Maruki wants to be able to bring him inside, to hold him against his chest for a moment, safe and warm. ]
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[Eren nuzzles his soft head into Maruki's chest and peacefully settles, feathers ruffling in content.]
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I'm always thinking to myself about how much stronger you are than me.
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He sits cross-legged there, so that if Eren transforms back right there in his arms, at least they'll both have a softer landing than they would standing around. ]
Now you're a bird for Halloween, too.
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We should have gone to the Windmill instead.
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He throws his arms around Eren as well, because– ]
No one is home. And I want to start dinner soon. And before you say anything, that's part of finding my happiness, too.
[ A little squeeze around his ribs, brief but tight. ]
You can help me.
LMK IF U WANT TO WRAP OR KEEP GOING U KNOW I'M GOOD
[Eren still hates them. He's not even sure why he hates them, but he knows that he hates them.
[But if they're what Maruki wants, then fine. Eren will defer to Maruki's wish. He'll allow these people to be what they are, he won't complain.
[He'll try.
[He nods his head into Maruki's shoulder.]
Okay. I will.
[He's never agreed to it before, cooking in the machiya specifically. They'll probably realize Maruki wasn't working alone when they notice the flaws in his meal.]
OH NO <3
Soon, but not just yet.
Maruki leans his head down against Eren's, voice quiet. ]
There's so much I need to tell you about what happened to me. I'm still finding the words for some of it, and... I'm afraid there are parts you'll hate me for, just a bit.
[ Anyone who knows Akechi Goro as well as they do should and would. If there is one thing Maruki doesn't deserve forgiveness for, it's that. ]
But what you said today, about balancing the scales... that helped more than you know, Eren.
HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE
I can't hate you. It would be impossible.
[He lets go.]
If it did...I'm glad.
Maruki. [The way he says it, so deathly gentle, so purely true.] I don't want you to hate yourself.
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I'm... trying not to. But that's a long uphill climb, Eren.
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[Maruki's anxious hand is taken in both of Eren's.]
You can make it, though.
[He knows Maruki can because he knows that he can't.]
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If he hadn't had to pick his broken pieces up off the floor every night to try to reshape himself into a person worthy of this second chance, one who could go out and face the world he failed–
Maybe he would be stronger now. Maybe there wouldn't be so much of that mountain left to scale.
As happy as he is being back in this reality, every day that he's spent here in the company of so many he loves has made his circumstances back home feel that much starker.
It starts to set in once more, and–
He can't. Can't go into it, right here, right now. Can't think about it. Maruki brushes it away from his mind, reaches for Eren with both arms. ]
You really think so?
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Yes.
[Eren wouldn't have said so before he left this place himself - might not even have said it a year ago, but now...]
You're stronger than you think. You're smarter. You have the right kind of heart.
My love... [He murmurs it against Maruki's ear, leaving a kiss.] Give yourself what you give me.
cries oh we wrappin finally..........
The urge to apologize for an unintentional backslide sits on his tongue, but it's swallowed down. He doesn't have to apologize to Eren for that. For anything about himself.
He only nods, face tucked into the curve of Eren's neck for a few deep breaths before he picks it up again and looks at him, eyes shining and serious all at once. ]
I will. I'll try. If you don't mind reminding me occasionally, like this... it really does help.
u can wrap on ur next one hehe
I will. Every night if I have to.
You'll stay with me tonight, won't you?
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I want to stay with you every night. Of course I will.
[ And then, a gentle tug, a suggestion that they ought to leave this little alcove, this tangle of their bodies. A promise that they'll return to it later, in the privacy of his room. For now, though– ]
Come on. Come cook with me.