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[placation]

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night of sneepr - text un:akechi

[enteloki]

We're out of eggs.

[placation]

[ Happy 2am text message from Akechi. Good to know it doesn't stop even when Maruki has someone in his bed. ]

Why are you looking for eggs right now?

Are you hungry?

[enteloki]

Not at all.

I was letting you know you're lacking ingredients due to a constant stream of visitors who seem to think they live here.

Given one will be expecting breakfast tomorrow, I wanted to inform you ahead of time so you didn't look like a fool.

[placation]

The constant stream of visitors consists of two people. Please don't exaggerate.

But thank you for letting me know. That's very thoughtful of you.

Will you be joining us for breakfast?

[enteloki]

Two people who are always here. It's not an exaggeration. Please keep in mind this isn't only your house and that others shouldn't suffer because of your insatiable need for attention.

I'll be there as usual. Her presence is irrelevant to me.

[placation]

Are you suffering by having Eren around? You two are close too.

[enteloki]

We're allies. That's all. If you consider that being close, that's your perception alone.

[placation]

[ How embarrassing. ]

Sure, Akechi. Whatever you say.

Go on, then. What other grievances would you like to get off your chest?

1/3

[enteloki]

Nothing. That was hardly a grievance either. Just a reminder of the rules and boundaries we established moving into this house.

[enteloki]

[Five minutes later.]

It's just fascinating to me how rapidly you folded under no pressure at all. Truly, you're under the heel of more people than you think.

[enteloki]

[FIVE MINUTES AFTER THAT.]

But since you have a sudden interest in what I want to 'get off my chest' - please advise your guests of the following.

▶ Shoes go off at the entryway.
▶ The kotatsu is set up a certain way for a reason. Stop messing with the blanket.
▶ The heater is also set up a certain way. Please stop adjusting it.
▶ The fridge is not a free for all.
▶ The cabinets are not a free for all. Those snacks are limited. It's an indulgence, not a right.
▶ The iced coffee is not for visitors - ever.
▶ Abide by quiet hours. If they're going to sleep over, as they tend to, move to the room quietly.

And since I have you -

▶ Stop moving items around. They're in a set place for a reason.
▶ Put dishes in the sink, or wash them when you're done.
▶ Windows shouldn't be left open all night, no matter the weather.
▶ If BB comes over, put a note in the chat. I don't want to be surprised by her appearance again and again.
▶ Do not let anymore animals into this house.
▶ Korokke was irate because of a small creature eating outside of her window. I can only assume you fed the animal. Stop.
▶ The other cat has yet to reemerge from her newest hiding spot. If she doesn't leave by this weekend, you and Eren are searching for her until she's found. Eren will take her back to the farm. This is non-negotiable.

[placation]

[ Oh my god. Maruki really has to fight not to laugh as the list comes through. Some parts are reasonable, of course – all guests are made aware of their rules, though Maruki himself wasn't aware they had quiet hours, thanks – but then the grievances start.

At times, conversation with Akechi is like a piece of absurdist performance art. ]

I can go through those grievances point by point, if you want. Let's start with the first one.

That's a funny thing to say, considering I returned home today to all of my things having been moved about in both the kitchen and my own bedroom. I wonder who did that?

[enteloki]

Perhaps Neko-chan was retaliating for a slight. We don't know what these creatures are capable of, which is why I'm telling you to get rid of her further down.

Why would I go into your room? That's pointless. I'm not petty.

[placation]

So you're saying Neko-chan opened and rearranged all of the cabinets?

[enteloki]

I'm saying it's unclear what happened, and anything could have rearranged the cabinets. That's all.

[placation]

No, I think it's pretty clear. I'll stop moving items around when you do.

[enteloki]

Then we're in agreement, as I've never moved anything.

How fortunate we could clear this up.

[placation]

Sure, Akechi.

Next point: I do the dishes right away 9 times out of 10. And I cook 10 times out of 10. I think I can be forgiven for occasionally letting them wait. You are, of course, welcome to pick up the slack any time you like.

[enteloki]

Noted. My counterpoints are as follows:

- Every action you take should be seen through to the very end. There's no room for error in battle, and that mindset should extend to your life outside of it.

- Should I begin to see ants or any other unwanted creatures come into the home to consume leftovers, I'll take matters into my own hands.

Continue.

[placation]

Why are you talking about washing dishes like you're preparing to go to war? Be normal...

[enteloki]

I am being normal. Nothing I said is out of line or incorrect.

[placation]

Noted. You may come to regret that one in the future.

Moving on. What do you have against fresh air?

[enteloki]

Nothing. Fresh air is important - you're taking the wrong impression from my statement.

Bugs come into the house at night through the gaps and frankly, I don't want to wake up to another unwanted visitor who thought a window was a door. During the day is acceptable, unless the weather is excessively hot or cold.

Once it gets late, they need to be closed. Go outside if you want fresh air.

[placation]

What if we put screens on the windows.

[enteloki]

No. That won't stop a nighttime intruder.

We have enough people who have found their way into this building unprompted while we're awake.

I won't be caught off-guard by someone - ever. You, on the other hand, could easily end up with your throat slit or a bullet in your skull while you snore in the arms of some sycophant. Frankly, I don't want to deal with it.