[ Maruki hums vaguely in affirmation at that assessment of Jean, stares down at his swirling drink as he considers how to go about this. None of this is his story to tell, really, but hopefully it helps Hythlodaeus better understand...
He draws a steadying breath, runs a hand through his hair. ]
There was another from their reality. Mikasa. His wife. Please don't ever bring her up to him, just hear what I have to say.
[ He's certain that Eren only ever speaks about Mikasa with him, and it ought to remain that way unless he chooses otherwise. ]
When she disappeared, it broke him. I've never seen him so... [ Maruki trails off for a moment, brows pinching in. In some ways, Eren as he was then was even worse off than Eren as he is now. But it's too complex to get into. ] Well, regardless. I helped him through it, as we shared some common ground there, and in the end, he came to realize that even in the wake of the worst possible loss, it was better to have had the time with her that he did than to never have had anything at all.
[ It aches. Deeply. If Maruki closes his eyes, he can still remember Eren on his couch in the castle that he used to inhabit, breaking down in his arms. The day that everything between them changed irrevocably; from then on, Eren was only his friend, never his patient. The closest friend Maruki has had in any reality. His favorite person, honestly. He would never, ever recommend something that would hurt Eren. More love can only be good for him. Hythlodaeus can only be good for him. ]
Funnily enough, though, even after all of that, it took Lehna-san saying the exact same thing to me before I realized that I was doing myself a disservice by guarding my heart, too. I would never regret the time that I had with my own lost love, and if Venat disappears tomorrow, I won't regret that either. It's something Eren and I both live by here. I'm not telling you what to do, but I think it's worth considering, Hythlodaeus.
[ Finally done, he leans back in his seat to focus on his drink and let that absorb. ]
I do believe it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
[So it's something the three of them can agree on.]
I suppose I simply worry that I would be pushed away should I get too close. It is one thing to love somebody mutually, and to lose them, but... well, I feel unrequited feelings are an entirely different beast.
[He laughs then, as if it suddenly strikes him as funny.]
Oh, but listen to me. I'm full of excuses, aren't I?
[ Radical honesty! He calls it like he sees it. Besides, he'd done the same thing.
The drink is hitting him in waves. He laughs again, helpless, brings both hands up to rub over his face, under his glasses. Draws them away, holds them out in front of him, palms up. Eyes closed. Breathing. Opens his eyes, his mouth. Clasps his hands together and closes them again.
This is the stupidest goddamn thing, but he knows Eren Jaeger as well as he knows himself. Of course he has to explain his particular brand of insanity. It's what best friends do.
He opens his eyes again, a little glassy, but entirely earnest. ]
He said you're important to him. He told me that. Those specific words. You're important to him. It won't be unrequited, Hythlodaeus. Just trust me. I know him too well to steer you wrong.
[ THOSE SPECIFIC WORDS MEAN HE'S IN LOVE WITH YOU, MY DUDEā but also don't think too hard about that, Maruki sure doesn't. ]
[ Oh, Maruki's all too happy to go for that ride. It's an enthusiastic cheers that meets Hythlodaeus' as he leans happily over the table to grasp his free hand for a moment in between sips of his drink. ]
You're fun. You're too fun. I'm glad we got this reality together, too.
[ Sincere, enthused, entirely drunk, and he'll only get more so throughout the night. Hope Hythlodaeus is ready to carry him home at the end of it all. ]
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no subject
He draws a steadying breath, runs a hand through his hair. ]
There was another from their reality. Mikasa. His wife. Please don't ever bring her up to him, just hear what I have to say.
[ He's certain that Eren only ever speaks about Mikasa with him, and it ought to remain that way unless he chooses otherwise. ]
When she disappeared, it broke him. I've never seen him so... [ Maruki trails off for a moment, brows pinching in. In some ways, Eren as he was then was even worse off than Eren as he is now. But it's too complex to get into. ] Well, regardless. I helped him through it, as we shared some common ground there, and in the end, he came to realize that even in the wake of the worst possible loss, it was better to have had the time with her that he did than to never have had anything at all.
[ It aches. Deeply. If Maruki closes his eyes, he can still remember Eren on his couch in the castle that he used to inhabit, breaking down in his arms. The day that everything between them changed irrevocably; from then on, Eren was only his friend, never his patient. The closest friend Maruki has had in any reality. His favorite person, honestly. He would never, ever recommend something that would hurt Eren. More love can only be good for him. Hythlodaeus can only be good for him. ]
Funnily enough, though, even after all of that, it took Lehna-san saying the exact same thing to me before I realized that I was doing myself a disservice by guarding my heart, too. I would never regret the time that I had with my own lost love, and if Venat disappears tomorrow, I won't regret that either. It's something Eren and I both live by here. I'm not telling you what to do, but I think it's worth considering, Hythlodaeus.
[ Finally done, he leans back in his seat to focus on his drink and let that absorb. ]
no subject
I do believe it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
[So it's something the three of them can agree on.]
I suppose I simply worry that I would be pushed away should I get too close. It is one thing to love somebody mutually, and to lose them, but... well, I feel unrequited feelings are an entirely different beast.
[He laughs then, as if it suddenly strikes him as funny.]
Oh, but listen to me. I'm full of excuses, aren't I?
no subject
Yeah, you are.
[ Radical honesty! He calls it like he sees it. Besides, he'd done the same thing.
The drink is hitting him in waves. He laughs again, helpless, brings both hands up to rub over his face, under his glasses. Draws them away, holds them out in front of him, palms up. Eyes closed. Breathing. Opens his eyes, his mouth. Clasps his hands together and closes them again.
This is the stupidest goddamn thing, but he knows Eren Jaeger as well as he knows himself. Of course he has to explain his particular brand of insanity. It's what best friends do.
He opens his eyes again, a little glassy, but entirely earnest. ]
He said you're important to him. He told me that. Those specific words. You're important to him. It won't be unrequited, Hythlodaeus. Just trust me. I know him too well to steer you wrong.
[ THOSE SPECIFIC WORDS MEAN HE'S IN LOVE WITH YOU, MY DUDEā but also don't think too hard about that, Maruki sure doesn't. ]
no subject
I suppose it's easier to make excuses than face the truth sometimes... very well. I will do my best, you have my word. Thank you.
[Even if it takes some liquid courage to admit anything in the end. He raises his glass, clinks it against Maruki's.]
Now, let's enjoy our night! We haven't even started yet, my friend.
[Sorry Maruki, but if you're going to go out drinking with Hythlodaeus then you're in for a ride.]
hehe we can wrap n handwave their drunken festivities so we can do MORE THREADS :3c
You're fun. You're too fun. I'm glad we got this reality together, too.
[ Sincere, enthused, entirely drunk, and he'll only get more so throughout the night. Hope Hythlodaeus is ready to carry him home at the end of it all. ]