[ Haru's large eyes remain on him, inquisitive but without judgment as she carefully asks: ]
Have you been able to find peace nowadays?
[ He had refused to yield to them in the Palace. Every blow he took, he came back twice as strong and determined.
She can still barely make out Maruki and Akira's figures, tension crawling into everyone's shoulders in the Monacopter as it looked like Akira had to face off against him one more time.
Oh, it's a question about his own mental state, not a reprimand about breaking tea etiquette...
Somehow, with how much he trusts Haru, that's actually a relief. ]
That's... a difficult question to answer.
[ He does lean forward then, taking the bowl and raising it to his lips for another sip of tea. Even after it's set back down, he remains quiet and thoughtful, hands curling and uncurling against the fabric of his yukata. ]
Kurusu helped me to face all the pain I'd been hiding from. While it's true that my heart was changed, and I couldn't run from things anymore... that doesn't mean the pain went away.
[ A fundamental difference in how the Phantom Thieves operated and how he did. Akira couldn't dig up the roots of his sorrow, leave him hollowed out and happy. Even if he could have... now, Maruki knows it wouldn't have been worth it.
What about when the pain is too much to bear?
You somehow learn to bear it anyway. ]
Moving on means learning to live with that pain. Given how long I spent burying it... well, I think it'll take just as long for me to find that peace.
[ In spite of this, though, he smiles at her. Small, subdued, but genuine. ]
I can see it, though. I know I'm on the right path. It's thanks to you, too.
[ She's attentive to his every word, any twitch or strain of muscle that might be display across his face. They had always walked away from that Palace without so much as looking back, but now that she sits here before Maruki, someone who's been a dear friend and supported her in so many ways—
There's a pang of guilt in her chest. The others had told her it was fine to leave their targets once the change of heart had occurred, but there will always be a small part of her that worries a little more when memories draw her back to a quiet house, her father locked in his study and unresponsive whenever she asked for him.
Was it like that for Maruki, too? Despite her absolute belief that they had done the right thing, she wonders what kind of pain stirs in those hearts when the Phantom Thieves complete a successful change of heart. ]
Maruki-san...
[ She extends a hand then, reaching across for him. She doesn't lean forward, doing her best to remain neatly seated for the sake of this ceremony, but... they're past this, aren't they? ]
It sounds like you're on a journey, but that's alright, isn't it? New beginnings might mean new pain, but I think it also means a chance for happiness.
[ A small smile forms across her face. ]
And you have Akira-kun by your side, as well as the rest of us.
[ Maruki watches her outstretched hand for a moment.
It's difficult, and it only becomes more difficult by the day. Reconciling how utterly alone he was in Tokyo with how his life in this reality is one perpetually surrounded by those he cares about, who care about him. The contrast is stark, almost unbearably so. When he thinks about returning to an empty apartment, a life without those he's come to love...
What was a dull, persistent ache before his change of heart is now a raw, open wound. He doesn't want to be alone. He can't be alone like that, not ever again. ]
I know that you're right, but...
[ Slowly, he shuffles forward a bit, enough to be able to lay his hand atop hers, the tea forgotten. ]
I don't exactly expect to see any of you again, you know? You're young, and you have your own journeys to go on.
[ Back in the true reality, he and Haru weren't granted the time and space to get to know one another as well as they have here. Wouldn't she find it odd, if he were to reach out to her there? ]
What you all did for me is something I'll carry in my heart forever. That's what keeps me moving forward toward that happiness.
If our journeys do cross again someday, I wouldn't mind.
[ It's true she can't make any promises when she doesn't know what the future will entail. When she first joined up with the Phantom Thieves, she was so certain a future with her beloved father was within her grasp, only for him to be ripped from her mere moments after a successful mission.
Nothing is set in stone, but that's what makes it all so beautiful. ]
And I hope you've been able to find the happiness you seek by then.
[ Difficult as it is to picture, Maruki knows that day will eventually come to pass. It will, it must. Chihaya's reading wasn't for nothing, and he owes it to Akira, Yoshizawa, all the Phantom Thieves to seize the chance for happiness that they gave him.
His smile is subdued but warm, genuine. ]
Thank you, Haru. I hope we'll both have found our happiness when we meet again.
[ And then he pats the top of her hand, heaves a deep breath and sits up straight once more. ]
But come on, we shouldn't be dwelling on something like this on your birthday. I made some snacks to have after tea, shall I go get them?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ Haru's large eyes remain on him, inquisitive but without judgment as she carefully asks: ]
Have you been able to find peace nowadays?
[ He had refused to yield to them in the Palace. Every blow he took, he came back twice as strong and determined.
She can still barely make out Maruki and Akira's figures, tension crawling into everyone's shoulders in the Monacopter as it looked like Akira had to face off against him one more time.
Did he end up finding peace in that moment? ]
no subject
Oh, it's a question about his own mental state, not a reprimand about breaking tea etiquette...
Somehow, with how much he trusts Haru, that's actually a relief. ]
That's... a difficult question to answer.
[ He does lean forward then, taking the bowl and raising it to his lips for another sip of tea. Even after it's set back down, he remains quiet and thoughtful, hands curling and uncurling against the fabric of his yukata. ]
Kurusu helped me to face all the pain I'd been hiding from. While it's true that my heart was changed, and I couldn't run from things anymore... that doesn't mean the pain went away.
[ A fundamental difference in how the Phantom Thieves operated and how he did. Akira couldn't dig up the roots of his sorrow, leave him hollowed out and happy. Even if he could have... now, Maruki knows it wouldn't have been worth it.
What about when the pain is too much to bear?
You somehow learn to bear it anyway. ]
Moving on means learning to live with that pain. Given how long I spent burying it... well, I think it'll take just as long for me to find that peace.
[ In spite of this, though, he smiles at her. Small, subdued, but genuine. ]
I can see it, though. I know I'm on the right path. It's thanks to you, too.
no subject
There's a pang of guilt in her chest. The others had told her it was fine to leave their targets once the change of heart had occurred, but there will always be a small part of her that worries a little more when memories draw her back to a quiet house, her father locked in his study and unresponsive whenever she asked for him.
Was it like that for Maruki, too? Despite her absolute belief that they had done the right thing, she wonders what kind of pain stirs in those hearts when the Phantom Thieves complete a successful change of heart. ]
Maruki-san...
[ She extends a hand then, reaching across for him. She doesn't lean forward, doing her best to remain neatly seated for the sake of this ceremony, but... they're past this, aren't they? ]
It sounds like you're on a journey, but that's alright, isn't it? New beginnings might mean new pain, but I think it also means a chance for happiness.
[ A small smile forms across her face. ]
And you have Akira-kun by your side, as well as the rest of us.
no subject
It's difficult, and it only becomes more difficult by the day. Reconciling how utterly alone he was in Tokyo with how his life in this reality is one perpetually surrounded by those he cares about, who care about him. The contrast is stark, almost unbearably so. When he thinks about returning to an empty apartment, a life without those he's come to love...
What was a dull, persistent ache before his change of heart is now a raw, open wound. He doesn't want to be alone. He can't be alone like that, not ever again. ]
I know that you're right, but...
[ Slowly, he shuffles forward a bit, enough to be able to lay his hand atop hers, the tea forgotten. ]
I don't exactly expect to see any of you again, you know? You're young, and you have your own journeys to go on.
[ Back in the true reality, he and Haru weren't granted the time and space to get to know one another as well as they have here. Wouldn't she find it odd, if he were to reach out to her there? ]
What you all did for me is something I'll carry in my heart forever. That's what keeps me moving forward toward that happiness.
no subject
[ It's true she can't make any promises when she doesn't know what the future will entail. When she first joined up with the Phantom Thieves, she was so certain a future with her beloved father was within her grasp, only for him to be ripped from her mere moments after a successful mission.
Nothing is set in stone, but that's what makes it all so beautiful. ]
And I hope you've been able to find the happiness you seek by then.
cries we can wrap...... ohhhHHH
His smile is subdued but warm, genuine. ]
Thank you, Haru. I hope we'll both have found our happiness when we meet again.
[ And then he pats the top of her hand, heaves a deep breath and sits up straight once more. ]
But come on, we shouldn't be dwelling on something like this on your birthday. I made some snacks to have after tea, shall I go get them?
wrapped... MERRY CRIMUS 💝
[ So many birthdays spent alone, or surrounded by people whose only worries were their portfolios or profit margins.
What a privilege it is to think of the happiness of those you care about. ]
That said, I certainly would not mind a snack. You always have the best ones.
[ She smiles back at him as she nods. She'll put the topic aside for now, focus on celebrating herself first. ]