[ Just like that, in mere seconds and through nothing more than a shoulder to rest his heavy head on and a hand rubbing soothing circles into his back–
Just like that, he's a child again. Curious about and terrified by the world around him in equal measure, always feeling too small and too in the way– maybe more of Maruki's issues began there than he realized. That helplessness, that feeling of never being able to do enough, was ingrained deep in his soul long before he stood uselessly while the person he loved most and her family were torn apart by an unjust reality.
For just a moment, he lets himself feel that. The full weight of his sorrow, the great aching chasm that yawned open in his heart the day he woke up alone in his apartment, the complex blend of grief and joy that returning to this reality brings – it all brews and swirls in Maruki's mind as Akira's words wash over him, warm as bathwater.
It's all of what he said and more. Of course he's overwhelmed – he would never tell Akira exactly what he's been through in the hours since arriving back in this reality, but anyone would be overwhelmed by that. Of course he misses that other Akira, no matter how grateful he is to be back with this one. Of course he's processing, of course he doesn't need a reason, of course–
Of course he doesn't need to be strong.
He's never been weaker than in front of Kurusu Akira. He's shattered to pieces before him without any hope that the shards would be picked up and molded back together, but they were– they are again now as he's held safe and still, whispered to in the darkness.
I needed this, Maruki finds himself thinking as fresh tears gather in his eyes. I needed you with me after everything, even though it was impossible, even though I know I had no right to ask for it.
It matters not. He got through it. He's here. He has Akira now, and he'll never stop thanking every star in this unfamiliar sky for him. ]
I'll tell you about it one day... soon, I hope. I promise. I will.
[ Maruki doesn't pick his head up. One arm comes to clutch around Akira's back, as tightly as a lifeline.
With this new heart, he has to learn to hurt, has to learn to grieve, has to learn to chase his own happiness, has to learn to live for no one but himself–
And he has to learn to ask for what he needs. ]
For right now... can I stay with you like this for a while?
[It's a promise murmured quietly at the side of his head, new and old and constant. Always. There will always be a place for Maruki with him.]
Stay right here, for as long as you need. [His hand comes up to pause at the top of his back, right below his neck. Keeping him close as he purges whatever it is that's overwhelmed his heart.] There's no hurry. Not for any of it.
[Not for his tears, and not for whatever it is he has yet to tell Akira.]
You're home now... [Relief mixes in with the comfort he still needs to give. In a moment of weakness, he lets his own head rest against Maruki, too.] ...so just take your time.
[It would be wrong to say there's no fear in his heart. The world took him once, and it could so easily do it again. Time is fleeting, ticking away no matter how desperately Akira tries to grip it in two human hands. There's no telling if it could happen all over, nor when.
So he'll wish for it now, just in his heart. He'll wish for it now, even if his contract has already been whispered to him in a dream. He'll wish for it now, even if it coats his heart in the blood of this world.
I wish for Maruki Takuto to stay here, right here, and have all of the time he needs.
If a price comes for his head... if it is righteous, then he will pay it.
And if it's something his morals can't accept, he'll simply have to slip out of its trappings like a thief in the night.]
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Just like that, he's a child again. Curious about and terrified by the world around him in equal measure, always feeling too small and too in the way– maybe more of Maruki's issues began there than he realized. That helplessness, that feeling of never being able to do enough, was ingrained deep in his soul long before he stood uselessly while the person he loved most and her family were torn apart by an unjust reality.
For just a moment, he lets himself feel that. The full weight of his sorrow, the great aching chasm that yawned open in his heart the day he woke up alone in his apartment, the complex blend of grief and joy that returning to this reality brings – it all brews and swirls in Maruki's mind as Akira's words wash over him, warm as bathwater.
It's all of what he said and more. Of course he's overwhelmed – he would never tell Akira exactly what he's been through in the hours since arriving back in this reality, but anyone would be overwhelmed by that. Of course he misses that other Akira, no matter how grateful he is to be back with this one. Of course he's processing, of course he doesn't need a reason, of course–
Of course he doesn't need to be strong.
He's never been weaker than in front of Kurusu Akira. He's shattered to pieces before him without any hope that the shards would be picked up and molded back together, but they were– they are again now as he's held safe and still, whispered to in the darkness.
I needed this, Maruki finds himself thinking as fresh tears gather in his eyes. I needed you with me after everything, even though it was impossible, even though I know I had no right to ask for it.
It matters not. He got through it. He's here. He has Akira now, and he'll never stop thanking every star in this unfamiliar sky for him. ]
I'll tell you about it one day... soon, I hope. I promise. I will.
[ Maruki doesn't pick his head up. One arm comes to clutch around Akira's back, as tightly as a lifeline.
With this new heart, he has to learn to hurt, has to learn to grieve, has to learn to chase his own happiness, has to learn to live for no one but himself–
And he has to learn to ask for what he needs. ]
For right now... can I stay with you like this for a while?
stares at my bullets like sadgedog
[It's a promise murmured quietly at the side of his head, new and old and constant. Always. There will always be a place for Maruki with him.]
Stay right here, for as long as you need. [His hand comes up to pause at the top of his back, right below his neck. Keeping him close as he purges whatever it is that's overwhelmed his heart.] There's no hurry. Not for any of it.
[Not for his tears, and not for whatever it is he has yet to tell Akira.]
You're home now... [Relief mixes in with the comfort he still needs to give. In a moment of weakness, he lets his own head rest against Maruki, too.] ...so just take your time.
[It would be wrong to say there's no fear in his heart. The world took him once, and it could so easily do it again. Time is fleeting, ticking away no matter how desperately Akira tries to grip it in two human hands. There's no telling if it could happen all over, nor when.
So he'll wish for it now, just in his heart. He'll wish for it now, even if his contract has already been whispered to him in a dream. He'll wish for it now, even if it coats his heart in the blood of this world.
I wish for Maruki Takuto to stay here, right here, and have all of the time he needs.
If a price comes for his head... if it is righteous, then he will pay it.
And if it's something his morals can't accept, he'll simply have to slip out of its trappings like a thief in the night.]