[ Maruki meets that unflinching gaze, less cat and mouse, more two cats sizing one another up.
There's a reason he felt it might be alright to tell Adachi, wasn't there? Where Eren would soothe, and Akechi would rage, and Kurusu Akira would somehow absolve...
Adachi sits across from him on level ground, keenly aware of what it means for a man to harbor a secret like this. ]
What would your perfect life look like, Adachi? What circumstances would make you happiest, no matter how impossible they seem? The sky's the limit.
[ Just from that he has an inkling of where this might be going. But one needs more than their gut, they need evidence, so instead of just assuming and leaving it at that...
He takes a long, savoring drink from his cup, bringing his gaze right back to Maruki's once it's settled quietly on the table again. ]
I told you about it once.
[ He said he'd play along, not that he'd stop thinking about it. He can never stop. ]
A world without want, ambition, inequity. A world where the only things you have are what you need, your only worries your next meal and the most comfortable place to sleep. Somewhere without everything that makes the world we've made for ourselves so unbearable to live in.
[ Especially not after he had a taste of it in those weeks he spent within the Mandala. ]
[ Even now, with the world laid at his feet for the taking, even if only hypothetically, Adachi still doesn't dare want more for himself than that.
It's bleak, yes– Maruki could never agree to it, no– but all the same, he's struck by what a strange dichotomy exists in that response. It's selfless to only want for himself exactly what he would give everyone else, and it's terribly selfish to force that empty life upon them anyway.
Maruki understands it, better now than ever before. His heart aches in his ribs for the exhausted man across from him. ]
In some ways, we want the same thing. I wanted to create a painless reality where no one suffered– and I did. If that was your desire, you would have had it fulfilled without ever knowing life could have been different.
[ He rests an elbow on the table, removes his glasses and kneads the knuckles of that hand into the space between his brows, eyes slipping shut. ]
It didn't last, of course. But that's more or less what I was up to.
[ He listens, silently cross-referencing everything he's known about Maruki from what he's been told and personal experience up until now. The strange persona, not knowing anything of shadows or the other world, and now something like this...
The exhaustion clinging to his bones says he shouldn't care. It's not his business anymore, not unless someone makes it so, and he's not speaking that energy out into the universe to play with. But he excelled as a detective because of his curiosity, and what a curious thing there is sitting in front of him right now. What sort of wishes did this bleeding heart grant, what monkey's paw situation does he come with that caused at least one "truth-seeking" soul to rebel?
He shoves down a wave of irritation at the thought. Of course Tokyo is littered with the kind of ungrateful brats needed for that twist. Which...is a potential place to start.
A moment of quiet contemplation hangs in the air, Adachi trailing his own thumb up and down the handle of his mug. ]
So you got your dumb ass kicked, is what I'm hearing.
You can tell, huh? Birds of a feather, I suppose...
[ Maruki draws a deep breath, exhales it slowly as he rubs at the back of his neck, that persistent phantom pain at his nape. His eyes slip shut as he stretches it to one side, then to the other. ]
I'm grateful for it, in the end. But I was willing to fight to the death one way or another. [ A beat, heavy, and– ] It's still a bit difficult to reconcile with having to keep living after that defeat.
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no subject
There's a reason he felt it might be alright to tell Adachi, wasn't there? Where Eren would soothe, and Akechi would rage, and Kurusu Akira would somehow absolve...
Adachi sits across from him on level ground, keenly aware of what it means for a man to harbor a secret like this. ]
What would your perfect life look like, Adachi? What circumstances would make you happiest, no matter how impossible they seem? The sky's the limit.
no subject
He takes a long, savoring drink from his cup, bringing his gaze right back to Maruki's once it's settled quietly on the table again. ]
I told you about it once.
[ He said he'd play along, not that he'd stop thinking about it. He can never stop. ]
A world without want, ambition, inequity. A world where the only things you have are what you need, your only worries your next meal and the most comfortable place to sleep. Somewhere without everything that makes the world we've made for ourselves so unbearable to live in.
[ Especially not after he had a taste of it in those weeks he spent within the Mandala. ]
no subject
It's bleak, yes– Maruki could never agree to it, no– but all the same, he's struck by what a strange dichotomy exists in that response. It's selfless to only want for himself exactly what he would give everyone else, and it's terribly selfish to force that empty life upon them anyway.
Maruki understands it, better now than ever before. His heart aches in his ribs for the exhausted man across from him. ]
In some ways, we want the same thing. I wanted to create a painless reality where no one suffered– and I did. If that was your desire, you would have had it fulfilled without ever knowing life could have been different.
[ He rests an elbow on the table, removes his glasses and kneads the knuckles of that hand into the space between his brows, eyes slipping shut. ]
It didn't last, of course. But that's more or less what I was up to.
no subject
The exhaustion clinging to his bones says he shouldn't care. It's not his business anymore, not unless someone makes it so, and he's not speaking that energy out into the universe to play with. But he excelled as a detective because of his curiosity, and what a curious thing there is sitting in front of him right now. What sort of wishes did this bleeding heart grant, what monkey's paw situation does he come with that caused at least one "truth-seeking" soul to rebel?
He shoves down a wave of irritation at the thought. Of course Tokyo is littered with the kind of ungrateful brats needed for that twist. Which...is a potential place to start.
A moment of quiet contemplation hangs in the air, Adachi trailing his own thumb up and down the handle of his mug. ]
So you got your dumb ass kicked, is what I'm hearing.
[ 'Like me' goes unsaid. ]
no subject
You can tell, huh? Birds of a feather, I suppose...
[ Maruki draws a deep breath, exhales it slowly as he rubs at the back of his neck, that persistent phantom pain at his nape. His eyes slip shut as he stretches it to one side, then to the other. ]
I'm grateful for it, in the end. But I was willing to fight to the death one way or another. [ A beat, heavy, and– ] It's still a bit difficult to reconcile with having to keep living after that defeat.