[Maruki's voice is too soft. It makes Oda feel like a building built from crumbling bricks. Something yanks down one corner of his mouth, but he tries to chew it away. He coughs and hangs his head, knocking it against Maruki's again. He recalls being sick, dying from that horrible flower petal disease, and Dazai's arms lowered around his neck. It was the longest he'd ever been held in his entire life.
[Maruki's hands are at his sides, and he feels like family, but Oda's never known family--
[No. No, that isn't true. He can hold others too. He cradled tiny bodies, hugged away big kid tears. Why doesn't he allow it the other way around? Why can't he be cradled?]
Shit.
[What's wrong with him? His hands grip Maruki's sides in turn. He wishes tears would wet his stinging eyes, but they don't, of course.
[He tries to put his arms around Maruki. It's awkward, foreign, something he struggles to do instead of warming into. He starts to pull back, feeling half-stupid, half-mad with frustration or grief. He doesn't know what the hell he's doing.]
No, it's perfect. The motion is a stuttering thing, as unfamiliar for Odasaku to act on as it is for Maruki to receive. It's clumsy, and stiff, and it's perfect.
Maruki relaxes into that awkward grasp at once, body leaning heavily against Odasaku's even as it holds him up. His own arms circle back around his friend, gently showing him the way to hold and be held all at once. ]
It's alright. Just let go.
[ A beat, and he smiles, moves a hand to tuck Odasaku's head into the curve of his neck. ]
Metaphorically, I mean. Don't you dare literally let me go.
[Oda thinks he'll fall apart. He wishes he would fall apart. With Dolph, he didn't fall apart. At night, he falls apart.
[His head rests on Maruki's shoulder and he laughs, but it's a terrible, watery, choking thing. He squeezes his friend tight, then relaxes his arms, relaxes his shoulders, relaxes his spine and breathes.]
[ Oda relaxes against him– or maybe it's the fight finally going out of him, all the tense strings that have held him upright finally snapped. It's difficult to say.
Maruki understands that feeling well.
He stays stalwart, holding his friend upright, leaning his head sideways to rest his cheek against Odasaku's hair. ]
I won't leave like that again. That, I can assure you.
[ Can he, now knowing that he's just as susceptible to being ripped from this reality as anyone else?
But there's nothing in the true reality left that requires his attention. He spent all of his time here with the sword of Damocles hanging over his head, one foot poised at the precipice of an inevitable future, the other stuck midair.
Now... what awaits him? Nothing at all, besides the rest of his life. Maruki won't return to that until he's good and ready. ]
I can.
[ Belief doesn't always follow logic and reason. It's something that lives deep in the soul, and Maruki knows his own better than ever. ]
[ Maruki understands. Innately, without Odasaku having to say it, he understands.
After all, it's what he'd been trying to do even before he disappeared. To spend more time with the people he loves, because all this time is precious.
Odasaku straightens up, and Maruki swings an arm around his shoulders, steers them both down off the steps of the home, toward the beach. ]
Of course. I'd come see you every day, if you let me. You'll get sick of me first, I guarantee it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
POOR ODA :WHYYYYYYYYYY:
Okay.
[ No, not just okay– Maruki shakes his head as if disagreeing with himself, places both is hands at Oda's sides, warm and steady. ]
Not just a second. As long as you need. I'm here.
I am begging someone to hug this man
[Maruki's hands are at his sides, and he feels like family, but Oda's never known family--
[No. No, that isn't true. He can hold others too. He cradled tiny bodies, hugged away big kid tears. Why doesn't he allow it the other way around? Why can't he be cradled?]
Shit.
[What's wrong with him? His hands grip Maruki's sides in turn. He wishes tears would wet his stinging eyes, but they don't, of course.
[He tries to put his arms around Maruki. It's awkward, foreign, something he struggles to do instead of warming into. He starts to pull back, feeling half-stupid, half-mad with frustration or grief. He doesn't know what the hell he's doing.]
WELL GOOD NEWS
No, it's perfect. The motion is a stuttering thing, as unfamiliar for Odasaku to act on as it is for Maruki to receive. It's clumsy, and stiff, and it's perfect.
Maruki relaxes into that awkward grasp at once, body leaning heavily against Odasaku's even as it holds him up. His own arms circle back around his friend, gently showing him the way to hold and be held all at once. ]
It's alright. Just let go.
[ A beat, and he smiles, moves a hand to tuck Odasaku's head into the curve of his neck. ]
Metaphorically, I mean. Don't you dare literally let me go.
no subject
Don't you dare let me go.
[Oda thinks he'll fall apart. He wishes he would fall apart. With Dolph, he didn't fall apart. At night, he falls apart.
[His head rests on Maruki's shoulder and he laughs, but it's a terrible, watery, choking thing. He squeezes his friend tight, then relaxes his arms, relaxes his shoulders, relaxes his spine and breathes.]
Maruki...
I really did miss you...
no subject
Maruki understands that feeling well.
He stays stalwart, holding his friend upright, leaning his head sideways to rest his cheek against Odasaku's hair. ]
I won't leave like that again. That, I can assure you.
no subject
Can you make that promise?
no subject
But there's nothing in the true reality left that requires his attention. He spent all of his time here with the sword of Damocles hanging over his head, one foot poised at the precipice of an inevitable future, the other stuck midair.
Now... what awaits him? Nothing at all, besides the rest of his life. Maruki won't return to that until he's good and ready. ]
I can.
[ Belief doesn't always follow logic and reason. It's something that lives deep in the soul, and Maruki knows his own better than ever. ]
Please believe in me.
no subject
I do.
[He does, but...]
Let's hang out more anyway. Alright?
no subject
After all, it's what he'd been trying to do even before he disappeared. To spend more time with the people he loves, because all this time is precious.
Odasaku straightens up, and Maruki swings an arm around his shoulders, steers them both down off the steps of the home, toward the beach. ]
Of course. I'd come see you every day, if you let me. You'll get sick of me first, I guarantee it.
no subject
No. I won't.