[Eren can turn into a monster five times as tall as a building. He can tear titans apart with his hands. By the end of his life, he's feared by the entire world - he's strong.
[He's strong.
[But not strong enough...He can't put Maruki on an island and flatten the rest of the world to keep him safe. A garden variety idiot with no power is just...a garden variety idiot.
[Eren pulls one hand away, facing forward on the couch; the other hand still grips Maruki's shoulder, and he squeezes.]
I'm willing to bet...you don't admit that much, Maruki.
[ It's said with a laugh that shakes just as much as his exhale, but it's mirthless. He's grateful for the hand Eren keeps on his shoulder, grateful for his presence next to him. Cognizant of the end of their time, and the next appointment he needs to keep.
He scrubs a hand over his face again, harder than before, pinching the skin between his eyes beneath his glasses. ]
I'll get over it. I'll have to, considering there's no use stressing about it while I'm still here. It's just a strange feeling.
[ Not only the very sudden awareness of his own rapidly approaching mortality – not only every grim truth that comes with it that he can't ever tell Eren, that this is going to end in two of his friends dead no matter what, because neither of them can deviate from the paths they're meant to walk down – but this: ]
I saw Somnius as a sort of... Temporary holding cell, I suppose. And I'm still not fond of it at all, don't get me wrong, but... Now knowing what I do, the time here feels more precious. It oughtn't be wasted or taken for granted.
[Eren's quiet, hand still gripping his friend's shoulder. A few moments pass like that.
[Something yanks his mouth to the side in some hideous facsimile of a smile, but it fades quickly. He lowers his eyes to the ground.]
Those two words you just said - I don't think I've ever said them in my entire life. Not without a "not" between them.
[Even as a child; especially as a child, maybe.]
In the mouth of a titan? Who wouldn't be?
Seeing one up close for the first time...[The towering form of a soon-to-be-never-was-a friend.
[Silence finds them again. Eren doesn't always know where he's going until he gets there.]
Point is...
Everyone...feels it.
[There's a vague memory - one of those memories through a memory through another memory - of Armin, telling Eren he was terrified; Eren's trembling eased.]
Whether they'll say so or not.
[Maruki isn't alone. Their realities may defeat them, but they had someone who understood.]
[ Maruki drops the hand away from his face, exhales slower, steadier. Much steadier. Tips his head back against the couch and turns it sideways to watch Eren work through what he's saying in real time.
He still hasn't said those two words, but they're crystal clear beneath everything else he says.
The last hope for humanity. That's not someone who would be allowed to feel fear.
His mouth sets into a thin, sympathetic line for a moment before he speaks. ]
There's a certain strength in fear.
[ Hadn't he had a similar conversation with Jean down by the lake? Some things feel very far away from him now, and not just because of the way time stretched and warped around them in that awful forest. Akechi spitting the most vile truth of all with his hands wrapped around Maruki's throat will always be a dividing line in his time in Somnius now. ]
Whether one admits to it or not... Feeling that fear and continuing on in spite of it– or perhaps even because of it, using it as a driving force... That's true courage, I think.
[Eren looks at Maruki, expression muted, but somehow still complex. That sentiment could be true, he thinks, for someone like Armin; someone who charged ahead through the end of the world despite the greatest fear he'd ever known - and that goes for all of Eren's dear, dear friends.
[Eren was propelled forward by fear, too; desperation. Did it take courage to raze the world to nothing?
[Eren might be a coward.]
I'd say...that probably depends on the person.
[Eren stands up from the couch. He takes the camera; for a few moments, he looks aimless, holding it in his hands. He goes over to one of Maruki's bookshelves and starts pulling out volumes, stacking them on the table. He sets the camera on top. He looks to Maruki.]
There's a timer for ten seconds, and then it will snap a photo of us. Alright? I'll have to get going after that.
[ Maruki watches him setting up the camera, immediately cognizant of what he's doing, and it's like sunlight beginning to peek out through thick cloud cover. Weak rays forcing their way through, but warm all the same. He grins, laughs, starts trying to fix his permanently messy hair. ]
I'd like that. You'll let me take one too, right?
[ Just a few weeks ago, when he'd been so concerned that Kurogiri's wish at the crystal would alter him irreparably, he'd hooked an arm around him and pulled him in for a sweet, smiling photo. To remember his friend by, in case he changed forever.
Of me? [It's an idle question as he sets up the camera's timer.] Alright.
[The timer is set. Eren comes and takes a seat by Maruki; given the boy's newly subdued nature, it's a little funny to see him move just a bit urgently. There are still several seconds left to wait by the time he sits down. He recalls sitting for that smoking photo again...]
[ Just a quick correction before he drapes an arm over Eren's shoulders and smiles, wide and warm, for the camera's click.
The photo spits out slowly, and Maruki reaches into his pocket for his smartphone as Eren deals with it. ]
It may seem less... I don't know, meaningful, I guess? Than a real photo from a camera. But it's what I'm used to from home, so I like to take them this way.
[He leans back a bit, unsure of how he'll have to squeeze into the frame, but ready to do so. He doesn't smile (he didn't for the polaroid either), but he tries not to glare.
[ It's so utterly jarring to hear Eren Jaeger say the word selfie that Maruki immediately gets the giggles over it. ]
Like a selfie, yeah, exactly.
[ Ultimately, it's easy. And not up to Eren. Maruki does exactly what he did for Kurogiri: Pulls Eren in to lean their heads in close together as he lifts up the phone, grins hard enough to crinkle the corners of his eyes, and snaps the photo.
It takes only a few seconds, and then he lets Eren get his personal space back and swipes through to show him the photo.
His stoical face is perfect. It's good that he didn't try for anything else. He's just Eren, his friend, exactly as Maruki appreciates him. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[Eren can turn into a monster five times as tall as a building. He can tear titans apart with his hands. By the end of his life, he's feared by the entire world - he's strong.
[He's strong.
[But not strong enough...He can't put Maruki on an island and flatten the rest of the world to keep him safe. A garden variety idiot with no power is just...a garden variety idiot.
[Eren pulls one hand away, facing forward on the couch; the other hand still grips Maruki's shoulder, and he squeezes.]
I'm willing to bet...you don't admit that much, Maruki.
no subject
[ It's said with a laugh that shakes just as much as his exhale, but it's mirthless. He's grateful for the hand Eren keeps on his shoulder, grateful for his presence next to him. Cognizant of the end of their time, and the next appointment he needs to keep.
He scrubs a hand over his face again, harder than before, pinching the skin between his eyes beneath his glasses. ]
I'll get over it. I'll have to, considering there's no use stressing about it while I'm still here. It's just a strange feeling.
[ Not only the very sudden awareness of his own rapidly approaching mortality – not only every grim truth that comes with it that he can't ever tell Eren, that this is going to end in two of his friends dead no matter what, because neither of them can deviate from the paths they're meant to walk down – but this: ]
I saw Somnius as a sort of... Temporary holding cell, I suppose. And I'm still not fond of it at all, don't get me wrong, but... Now knowing what I do, the time here feels more precious. It oughtn't be wasted or taken for granted.
no subject
[Something yanks his mouth to the side in some hideous facsimile of a smile, but it fades quickly. He lowers his eyes to the ground.]
Those two words you just said - I don't think I've ever said them in my entire life. Not without a "not" between them.
[Even as a child; especially as a child, maybe.]
In the mouth of a titan? Who wouldn't be?
Seeing one up close for the first time...[The towering form of a soon-to-be-never-was-a friend.
[Silence finds them again. Eren doesn't always know where he's going until he gets there.]
Point is...
Everyone...feels it.
[There's a vague memory - one of those memories through a memory through another memory - of Armin, telling Eren he was terrified; Eren's trembling eased.]
Whether they'll say so or not.
[Maruki isn't alone. Their realities may defeat them, but they had someone who understood.]
no subject
He still hasn't said those two words, but they're crystal clear beneath everything else he says.
The last hope for humanity. That's not someone who would be allowed to feel fear.
His mouth sets into a thin, sympathetic line for a moment before he speaks. ]
There's a certain strength in fear.
[ Hadn't he had a similar conversation with Jean down by the lake? Some things feel very far away from him now, and not just because of the way time stretched and warped around them in that awful forest. Akechi spitting the most vile truth of all with his hands wrapped around Maruki's throat will always be a dividing line in his time in Somnius now. ]
Whether one admits to it or not... Feeling that fear and continuing on in spite of it– or perhaps even because of it, using it as a driving force... That's true courage, I think.
no subject
[Eren was propelled forward by fear, too; desperation. Did it take courage to raze the world to nothing?
[Eren might be a coward.]
I'd say...that probably depends on the person.
[Eren stands up from the couch. He takes the camera; for a few moments, he looks aimless, holding it in his hands. He goes over to one of Maruki's bookshelves and starts pulling out volumes, stacking them on the table. He sets the camera on top. He looks to Maruki.]
There's a timer for ten seconds, and then it will snap a photo of us. Alright? I'll have to get going after that.
no subject
I'd like that. You'll let me take one too, right?
[ Just a few weeks ago, when he'd been so concerned that Kurogiri's wish at the crystal would alter him irreparably, he'd hooked an arm around him and pulled him in for a sweet, smiling photo. To remember his friend by, in case he changed forever.
He really ought to take more of those. ]
no subject
[The timer is set. Eren comes and takes a seat by Maruki; given the boy's newly subdued nature, it's a little funny to see him move just a bit urgently. There are still several seconds left to wait by the time he sits down. He recalls sitting for that smoking photo again...]
no subject
[ Just a quick correction before he drapes an arm over Eren's shoulders and smiles, wide and warm, for the camera's click.
The photo spits out slowly, and Maruki reaches into his pocket for his smartphone as Eren deals with it. ]
It may seem less... I don't know, meaningful, I guess? Than a real photo from a camera. But it's what I'm used to from home, so I like to take them this way.
no subject
[He leans back a bit, unsure of how he'll have to squeeze into the frame, but ready to do so. He doesn't smile (he didn't for the polaroid either), but he tries not to glare.
[He looks like the Eren Maruki knows.]
no subject
Like a selfie, yeah, exactly.
[ Ultimately, it's easy. And not up to Eren. Maruki does exactly what he did for Kurogiri: Pulls Eren in to lean their heads in close together as he lifts up the phone, grins hard enough to crinkle the corners of his eyes, and snaps the photo.
It takes only a few seconds, and then he lets Eren get his personal space back and swipes through to show him the photo.
His stoical face is perfect. It's good that he didn't try for anything else. He's just Eren, his friend, exactly as Maruki appreciates him. ]
Thanks. I'll treasure it.
[ He really will. ]