You would. [Simple as that. One of Eren's hands comes to rest idly on one of the holsters on his hip.]
I've been here since December. The threats here are nowhere near as bad as titans, but they happen often. Just before you got here, we went through almost two weeks of hell. There were corrupted animals everywhere, blindly attacking.
I'm sure people died. I know gelflings and goblins did. [Interesting how he separates "people" and the locals. Hm. No concerning ideology displaying itself there, whatsoever.]
I did an awful lot of rescuing during that time.
[He looks at Maruki.] You should prepare, and you shouldn't waste any time doing it.
It would be difficult for him to explain all the reasons, global and personal, why this goes against every fiber of his being. Especially to someone like Eren who came from such a hellish reality. The worst things that happened to Maruki would make for a banner day to a lot of people here, and he's becoming all too aware of that.
He listens intently, nods along, but he's quiet for a while. When he finally speaks, his voice is very carefully measured, even more so than usual. ]
I'm sorry. I don't intend for you or anyone else to need to rescue me. I won't be that sort of burden to anyone.
[ A beat and then one corner of his mouth does quirk up. ]
Ah, well, I say that, but you saw firsthand that I called you for a harmless wolf encounter.
[ lmao. yes. The answer to that question is unequivocally yes.
BUT HE IS THE MENTALLY HEALTHY COUNSELOR HERE AND HE WILL SET A GOOD EXAMPLE ]
I'll call, Eren-kun. I just don't want you to worry about me! I have to toughen up sometime.
[ False. If the world is ugly enough to force you to need to toughen up, then you change the world, not yourself. But he may not have an option here. ]
[Eren stops when Maruki does, turning toward him.]
There's a girl here I really care about. She isn't from a world like mine. She didn't know how to fight - not in a way that really matters.
We trained every single day for months - hours, like war was on our doorstep.
I think she probably survived those two weeks because of that training, and a friend of hers too.
[He's worried that Aubrey thinks she failed, somehow. She didn't. She came back. No one had to explain to the people she cares about that she died in vain...]
We may not have the time to prepare newbies as well as they should be, but it's better than nothing. Do you even know how to hold a weapon?
[ The story lodges somewhere between his ribs. He has to fight the urge to ask who the girl is. He has to fight the urge to reject this reality outright. His rebellion doesn't fit here. He needs– ]
No, I don't. I never have.
[ Even the idea of holding a weapon is anathema to him.
Like war was on our doorstep. He would rather do anything, anything else. ]
Eren-kun. I appreciate the offer. And... I'm aware that I do need to take you up on it.
[ He almost asks for time to think on it, but no amount of time will make him want this any more, and Eren has already told him there's precious little to waste.
He swallows hard, buttons up his expression. ]
I apologize in advance for what an irritating pupil I'll probably be.
[ There is no good way to say this, so fuck it. Just say it. ]
You have a tremendous amount of strength, physical and mental. Counseling isn't easy, but you persevere and you do it well. It won't be the same for me with training. I don't have that sort of strength.
[ Maruki offers him a smile then, genuine despite its sadness. ]
[Eren's strong, sure; something about the way Maruki words it makes him not want to agree. He's plenty weak in plenty of ways, and the world suffered for that as much as it suffered for his strength. Eren doesn't really understand how just talking about things that have happened to him makes him "good" at counseling, but he's not exactly the expert.]
When I joined the Cadet Corps, I couldn't finish a single fight myself.
I wouldn't have wanted to admit it back then, but it's true. It took me years to learn how to hold my own against a comrade my own size, let alone against a fifteen-meter titan.
You won't have years to prepare, but if you can't defend yourself, then you always will be the burden you're afraid you are.
Someone who just sits around, waiting to die...
I have no respect for people like that.
Edited 2024-05-12 11:47 (UTC)
dhskdhjfkdbdks tiny mouse whisper: eren i am pathetic
Maruki will have time to spiral about this later. It isn't worth wasting Eren's time with an ideology that is completely alien to his own. The plain truth of the matter is that he does need to be able to defend himself, at the very least – if he can't do that, then he can't help anyone and he certainly can't take back reality.
So, with Eren's final pointed words, he squares his shoulders and nods. ]
Alright. We have a deal.
[ He holds out a hand for Eren to shake, the smile now hopeful, mask firmly in place. ]
I'll put my trust in you to teach me, Eren-kun. I'll do my best.
[ To be clear, his best categorically sucks, but by god he will do it!!! ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I've been here since December. The threats here are nowhere near as bad as titans, but they happen often. Just before you got here, we went through almost two weeks of hell. There were corrupted animals everywhere, blindly attacking.
I'm sure people died. I know gelflings and goblins did. [Interesting how he separates "people" and the locals. Hm. No concerning ideology displaying itself there, whatsoever.]
I did an awful lot of rescuing during that time.
[He looks at Maruki.] You should prepare, and you shouldn't waste any time doing it.
no subject
It would be difficult for him to explain all the reasons, global and personal, why this goes against every fiber of his being. Especially to someone like Eren who came from such a hellish reality. The worst things that happened to Maruki would make for a banner day to a lot of people here, and he's becoming all too aware of that.
He listens intently, nods along, but he's quiet for a while. When he finally speaks, his voice is very carefully measured, even more so than usual. ]
I'm sorry. I don't intend for you or anyone else to need to rescue me. I won't be that sort of burden to anyone.
[ A beat and then one corner of his mouth does quirk up. ]
Ah, well, I say that, but you saw firsthand that I called you for a harmless wolf encounter.
no subject
Would you rather let yourself die than be a burden? That's pretty stupid, if you ask me.
You should call.
no subject
[ lmao. yes. The answer to that question is unequivocally yes.
BUT HE IS THE MENTALLY HEALTHY COUNSELOR HERE AND HE WILL SET A GOOD EXAMPLE ]
I'll call, Eren-kun. I just don't want you to worry about me! I have to toughen up sometime.
[ False. If the world is ugly enough to force you to need to toughen up, then you change the world, not yourself. But he may not have an option here. ]
no subject
no subject
[ Maruki will stop dead in his tracks at that, eyes wide. ]
Wait. What? No, y-you really don't have to do that. I'm starting from zero. Less than zero!
[ And you're a genocidal child soldier!!! ]
no subject
[Eren stops when Maruki does, turning toward him.]
There's a girl here I really care about. She isn't from a world like mine. She didn't know how to fight - not in a way that really matters.
We trained every single day for months - hours, like war was on our doorstep.
I think she probably survived those two weeks because of that training, and a friend of hers too.
[He's worried that Aubrey thinks she failed, somehow. She didn't. She came back. No one had to explain to the people she cares about that she died in vain...]
We may not have the time to prepare newbies as well as they should be, but it's better than nothing. Do you even know how to hold a weapon?
no subject
No, I don't. I never have.
[ Even the idea of holding a weapon is anathema to him.
Like war was on our doorstep. He would rather do anything, anything else. ]
Eren-kun. I appreciate the offer. And... I'm aware that I do need to take you up on it.
[ He almost asks for time to think on it, but no amount of time will make him want this any more, and Eren has already told him there's precious little to waste.
He swallows hard, buttons up his expression. ]
I apologize in advance for what an irritating pupil I'll probably be.
no subject
I won't apologize for what a hard ass teacher I'll be, and I won't go easy on you either.
no subject
[ He starts walking again, more than a little embarrassed that the focus has turned on him, the tips of his ears red. ]
Seriously, if after a few sessions you decide I'm a lost cause, I won't be offended!
no subject
no subject
[ There is no good way to say this, so fuck it. Just say it. ]
You have a tremendous amount of strength, physical and mental. Counseling isn't easy, but you persevere and you do it well. It won't be the same for me with training. I don't have that sort of strength.
[ Maruki offers him a smile then, genuine despite its sadness. ]
I wouldn't want to disappoint you, that's all.
the first time I thought he was (whispering)
When I joined the Cadet Corps, I couldn't finish a single fight myself.
I wouldn't have wanted to admit it back then, but it's true. It took me years to learn how to hold my own against a comrade my own size, let alone against a fifteen-meter titan.
You won't have years to prepare, but if you can't defend yourself, then you always will be the burden you're afraid you are.
Someone who just sits around, waiting to die...
I have no respect for people like that.
dhskdhjfkdbdks tiny mouse whisper: eren i am pathetic
Maruki will have time to spiral about this later. It isn't worth wasting Eren's time with an ideology that is completely alien to his own. The plain truth of the matter is that he does need to be able to defend himself, at the very least – if he can't do that, then he can't help anyone and he certainly can't take back reality.
So, with Eren's final pointed words, he squares his shoulders and nods. ]
Alright. We have a deal.
[ He holds out a hand for Eren to shake, the smile now hopeful, mask firmly in place. ]
I'll put my trust in you to teach me, Eren-kun. I'll do my best.
[ To be clear, his best categorically sucks, but by god he will do it!!! ]
we can wrap here if you'd like
[He shakes Maruki's hand.]
Prepare to get your ass kicked.
absolutely perfect im feral i love them
It's enough of a win to get him through the next few days of double-booking his waking and sleeping hours' appointments. ]