[It's true - he doesn't want to admit the last thing he remembers, because it's...embarrassing - meant to be private! And more than a little stupid. His nose is wrinkled in what looks like irritation, but it's really not. Maruki will probably recognize the self-consciousness; it looks a little odd on this face.]
[ The admission itself isn't shocking; the opposite, really. Hearing that Eren talks to himself in the mirror when he's alone is so expected, Maruki can't believe he didn't already know it.
The strangeness that's resulted, though...
He cups his Other's cheek, thumb smoothing over the wrinkled bridge of his nose. There's nothing to be self-conscious about. It is a cute expression, though. He's never seen Eren make it before. ]
It's not stupid. I just... wonder if something else didn't happen, as a result of that.
[Eren leans into Maruki's touch, eyes closing. His face evens out, and he knows that something must be wrong. He doesn't know what the problem is this time, but...for whatever reason, he isn't all that eager to figure it out. He feels lighter today.
[He speaks without opening his eyes. He thinks he could fall asleep, standing up just like this.]
Both of Maruki's hands shoot up into Eren's hair, ruffling it severely before he wraps his arms around his neck and tries to wrassle him down to the floor. ]
[These days, his hair getting ruffled means it all getting yanked out of that annoying bun. He's about to rip the tie out when Maruki starts pulling down, and then he's laughing, loud and boyish. He stoops down and wraps two arms right around Maruki's middle, hauling him over his shoulder and spinning around in circles.]
You might have a god's soul, but you're still a big wimp compared to me.
[ It's the type of laugh he hasn't heard since their memories and ages were being toyed with. It sounds impossibly foreign in Eren's deep voice, but Maruki finds himself laughing along, as unrestrained as ever.
He goes dead weight over Eren's shoulder, eyes shut tight against the spinning office. ]
[The spinning slows to a stop, and Maruki is placed back down on the office floor. Some hesitation makes Eren's smile flicker, then fade, and he looks away, shrugging one shoulder.]
You know. I just...feel better with you.
[Maybe he'd have lifted Maruki up over his shoulder and danced around his office back when he was sixteen, too, if they'd been through what they've been through now.]
Maruki watches his face closely, carefully. Tries to commit every detail of that expression to memory. How carefree it is, how bright. There is a part of him that wishes Eren could always look like this, always feel this light, but–
It wouldn't be right. It wouldn't be him. His Eren.
In her perfect happiness, Rumi isn't herself either.
He runs his fingers over the planes of Eren's face, every line and crease, every minute imperfection. Most days, he still doesn't know where his own ideology stands anymore, but– this sheds a light that wasn't on before. No matter how much he wants peace and joy for everyone, he can no longer stand to lose the people he loves, exactly as they are, misery and all.
It's a cruel sort of kindness, breaking whatever spell is over Eren.
Maruki raises up onto the balls of his feet, presses a kiss to Eren's forehead before slowly dropping his hands away and drawing a deep breath. ]
I wouldn't say I have it figured out, but... give me just one moment.
[ Curiously, he heads to the balcony – now that Dr. Takahashi's clinic has been set up nextdoor, the living space above it shares that small outdoor area with Maruki's office. A quick rap on the door, and the good doctor surely has a small mirror he can borrow.
When he returns, he gestures for Eren to sit on the couch with him before holding it reflective side up between them. ]
[Eren's question is never answered, but he doesn't mind. That kiss on the forehead is enough to hold him over until Maruki solves whatever mystery he's uncovered. Eren still can't quite figure out what the trouble is. Maybe that he feels a little better than he has since ?̵̛̠̩̠͑͒̀͠?̶̡͚̉?̷̩̦̇̄͐
[It's a bit disheartening all on its own that that is enough to be considered troublesome. Maybe the way his face falls is enough.
[He looks into the mirror. His reflection can't bee more than fifteen.]
There you are. I was wondering when you'd come back. You've got Maruki with you too? I'm still trying to figure that guy out...
[ I'm still trying to figure that guy out, in a voice he recognizes, shakes some part of Maruki that he thought was untouchable by now.
He was prepared to see a younger Eren when he glances down at the surface of the mirror – that seemed like something to expect out of this reality, after all. But he wasn't expecting to hear it.
More than anything, he wants to look longer at that younger Eren, speak to him himself, but–
No.
He stays focused on Eren at his side, voice low and firm. ]
[ It stings, to hear Eren's piping voice insisting he's real. Stings worse to see the Eren sitting next to him still embodying that younger spirit.
He rests a hand between Eren's shoulder blades, grounding. ]
I don't fully understand what's happening either, but it's not outside the realm of possibility that your cognition is being manipulated by seeing another version of yourself. Your own mind isn't at fault, Eren.
[Eren flinches in the face of his own reflection, sinking back into Maruki's touch.
[His voice is quiet.]
I haven't felt that way in a long time.
[Eren places his thumbs over the cool, flat surface of the mirror.]
This is wrong.
Things have changed.
[He presses down, jaw clenched. The mirror cracks, and Eren releases; his reflection only shows his own face, fractured. It's funny how one of the cracks goes straight through his neck.
[ Maruki doesn't flinch – not at the words, and not at the glass fracturing beneath Eren's thumbs – but something ice cold does drop into the pit of his stomach. Remembering there was a time when he couldn't put his trust in Eren hurts more than anything.
He weathers that laugh, dark as it is, and runs his hand up to rest firm against Eren's nape instead. ]
[That makes him sound like his old self too, but...it isn't due to any spell. He runs his hands through his hair, manic, frustrated; takes it out, puts it back up, breathes.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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It's stupid.
[. . .]
I was looking in the mirror. Talking.
I do it sometimes. Just to sort things out.
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The strangeness that's resulted, though...
He cups his Other's cheek, thumb smoothing over the wrinkled bridge of his nose. There's nothing to be self-conscious about. It is a cute expression, though. He's never seen Eren make it before. ]
It's not stupid. I just... wonder if something else didn't happen, as a result of that.
[ A beat, and then– ]
Would you be willing to try something with me?
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[He speaks without opening his eyes. He thinks he could fall asleep, standing up just like this.]
Alright. What is it?
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God. Since Maruki met him, really.
He runs his thumb back and forth over the high plane of Eren's cheekbone, not in any rush. ]
I was going to find a mirror so we could check to make sure nothing's off with what you're seeing. But now I want to do something else first.
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Alright...
[He smiles. He smiles, and it isn't even hard, it isn't even small.]
What is it?
1/2
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First, a test.
Both of Maruki's hands shoot up into Eren's hair, ruffling it severely before he wraps his arms around his neck and tries to wrassle him down to the floor. ]
this is killing me
[These days, his hair getting ruffled means it all getting yanked out of that annoying bun. He's about to rip the tie out when Maruki starts pulling down, and then he's laughing, loud and boyish. He stoops down and wraps two arms right around Maruki's middle, hauling him over his shoulder and spinning around in circles.]
You might have a god's soul, but you're still a big wimp compared to me.
why did we do this
He goes dead weight over Eren's shoulder, eyes shut tight against the spinning office. ]
You really are feeling good, aren't you?
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You know. I just...feel better with you.
[Maybe he'd have lifted Maruki up over his shoulder and danced around his office back when he was sixteen, too, if they'd been through what they've been through now.]
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[ He should go get that mirror, but hesitation hits him once more, and he reaches up to cup Eren's cheeks. ]
Smile for me one more time. Please. Will you?
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[Looking at that earnest face for one, two seconds, though...
[His hands come to rest over Maruki's for just a moment. He smiles just like that.]
You've already got it figured out, right? So, what's this for?
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Maruki watches his face closely, carefully. Tries to commit every detail of that expression to memory. How carefree it is, how bright. There is a part of him that wishes Eren could always look like this, always feel this light, but–
It wouldn't be right. It wouldn't be him. His Eren.
In her perfect happiness, Rumi isn't herself either.
He runs his fingers over the planes of Eren's face, every line and crease, every minute imperfection. Most days, he still doesn't know where his own ideology stands anymore, but– this sheds a light that wasn't on before. No matter how much he wants peace and joy for everyone, he can no longer stand to lose the people he loves, exactly as they are, misery and all.
It's a cruel sort of kindness, breaking whatever spell is over Eren.
Maruki raises up onto the balls of his feet, presses a kiss to Eren's forehead before slowly dropping his hands away and drawing a deep breath. ]
I wouldn't say I have it figured out, but... give me just one moment.
[ Curiously, he heads to the balcony – now that Dr. Takahashi's clinic has been set up nextdoor, the living space above it shares that small outdoor area with Maruki's office. A quick rap on the door, and the good doctor surely has a small mirror he can borrow.
When he returns, he gestures for Eren to sit on the couch with him before holding it reflective side up between them. ]
Take a look. Tell me what you see.
[ He won't look. Not yet. ]
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[It's a bit disheartening all on its own that that is enough to be considered troublesome. Maybe the way his face falls is enough.
[He looks into the mirror. His reflection can't bee more than fifteen.]
There you are. I was wondering when you'd come back. You've got Maruki with you too? I'm still trying to figure that guy out...
[The true Eren looks stunned.
[Looks...sad.
[Wants to look at Maruki, but can't.]
Myself. When I was young.
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He was prepared to see a younger Eren when he glances down at the surface of the mirror – that seemed like something to expect out of this reality, after all. But he wasn't expecting to hear it.
More than anything, he wants to look longer at that younger Eren, speak to him himself, but–
No.
He stays focused on Eren at his side, voice low and firm. ]
It's a manipulation. You know this.
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[He's...confused, all but speechless as the fifteen-year-old facsimile protests Maruki's rejection, childishly carrying on.
[Eren looks to his friend - his Other, which he hasn't forgotten.]
I know, but...
What does it mean? My memories...they feel worse. More's missing than usual...
I don't know, though. [His eyes glance away. He makes a little tch sound.] That could happen any day of the week, right? I don't get this...
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He rests a hand between Eren's shoulder blades, grounding. ]
I don't fully understand what's happening either, but it's not outside the realm of possibility that your cognition is being manipulated by seeing another version of yourself. Your own mind isn't at fault, Eren.
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[Eren flinches in the face of his own reflection, sinking back into Maruki's touch.
[His voice is quiet.]
I haven't felt that way in a long time.
[Eren places his thumbs over the cool, flat surface of the mirror.]
This is wrong.
Things have changed.
[He presses down, jaw clenched. The mirror cracks, and Eren releases; his reflection only shows his own face, fractured. It's funny how one of the cracks goes straight through his neck.
[Dread and death crash over him like a wave.
[He laughs. It's wretched.]
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He weathers that laugh, dark as it is, and runs his hand up to rest firm against Eren's nape instead. ]
Breathe.
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[That makes him sound like his old self too, but...it isn't due to any spell. He runs his hands through his hair, manic, frustrated; takes it out, puts it back up, breathes.]
Fine. Shit. Sorry.
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[ There's a bitter, acrid taste over Maruki's tongue that he has to swallow back. ]
Even our reflections aren't safe anymore. It's a despicable tactic, and an effective one. We know now. We can fight it.
ohhhh wrappin...
[Eren feels a thousand pounds heavier. The fight ever continues. He's only twenty years old, he's dead, he's tired, and it doesn't matter.]
Are you done here? Let's go.
miserable wrap.......
Or perhaps every extra moment of lightness it would have made the comedown feel exponentially worse. ]
Yeah. Let's fly.