[ As the flowers and vines recede and dissipate and exhaustion settles in, those words cover his consciousness like a heavy blanket of snow, and all Maruki can do is stare at his dear, beloved friend.
Make it a vow of happiness instead.
It's not unlike what Dolph has told him before. That he doesn't want Maruki to break his back to create a safe reality for this new life of his unless Maruki can have his own happiness too. And he'd told him then, that that's not how it works for him–
But maybe, just maybe– ]
It does make me happy.
[ Barely more than a whisper. He tips his head down, rests it against their joined hands. ]
Nothing makes me happier than remembering the people that I love. Even when it's difficult, and it hurts...
[ Maruki is not a happy person, no.
But the closest he comes to being one is when he's with the people he cares for most, even if it's only in his own mind. One day, when he returns to the true reality, that's all he'll have, and he'll hang onto that joy with a white knuckle grip.
He presses his lips to Dolph's knuckles, lingers there for a moment before looking back up, eyes a little too telltale bright and smile subdued, but entirely genuine. ]
I'll never let you go, and that has nothing to do with what I can or have to do. I promise.
[ that settles the weight in his chest. it's good enough. it's enough. he can't ask for more. he wouldn't anyway. for all he may be tempted, for all he desires, he thinks the most heartaching scenario was letting his friends by poisoned by his sad fate. that they may take it with them, that indelible sorrow. like bullfrog had, in those final moments. he hadn't realized it then but that's what jade meant when she wanted them to look away. she didn't want them saddled with the sorrow of her eventual death.
maybe he just wants to believe there will be peace. contentment. the light at the end of the tunnel, as he told aubrey long ago. as long as you can hold on, you can get through. for him, there is no tunnel. it is just the void. the inky blackness and that spotlight resting upon him.
so.
it's enough, he thinks, to know the happiness will be there. the peace. if he can exist there, then what does it matter if his name is remembered or not?
let his gravestone be a smile. no more tears to water him. dolph . . . never wants to see that ever again. ]
He lets go only so he can cling closer – lays his head back down on Dolph's chest, over his heart, wraps an arm tight around him like he's a cybernetic body pillow. ]
I think I can finally sleep. I can't thank you enough.
[ Heavy eyelids have already slipped shut. If given half a chance, he won't move for the rest of the afternoon. ]
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no subject
Make it a vow of happiness instead.
It's not unlike what Dolph has told him before. That he doesn't want Maruki to break his back to create a safe reality for this new life of his unless Maruki can have his own happiness too. And he'd told him then, that that's not how it works for him–
But maybe, just maybe– ]
It does make me happy.
[ Barely more than a whisper. He tips his head down, rests it against their joined hands. ]
Nothing makes me happier than remembering the people that I love. Even when it's difficult, and it hurts...
[ Maruki is not a happy person, no.
But the closest he comes to being one is when he's with the people he cares for most, even if it's only in his own mind. One day, when he returns to the true reality, that's all he'll have, and he'll hang onto that joy with a white knuckle grip.
He presses his lips to Dolph's knuckles, lingers there for a moment before looking back up, eyes a little too telltale bright and smile subdued, but entirely genuine. ]
I'll never let you go, and that has nothing to do with what I can or have to do. I promise.
no subject
maybe he just wants to believe there will be peace. contentment. the light at the end of the tunnel, as he told aubrey long ago. as long as you can hold on, you can get through. for him, there is no tunnel. it is just the void. the inky blackness and that spotlight resting upon him.
so.
it's enough, he thinks, to know the happiness will be there. the peace. if he can exist there, then what does it matter if his name is remembered or not?
let his gravestone be a smile. no more tears to water him. dolph . . . never wants to see that ever again. ]
That's all that matters.
cries HARD we can wrap up.... cuddlebugs......
He lets go only so he can cling closer – lays his head back down on Dolph's chest, over his heart, wraps an arm tight around him like he's a cybernetic body pillow. ]
I think I can finally sleep. I can't thank you enough.
[ Heavy eyelids have already slipped shut. If given half a chance, he won't move for the rest of the afternoon. ]
Stay with me?
wrappity wrap
[ someday, it'll just be him. holding onto the shadow of a man. someday, the dream will end. someday, people will go. someday, someday, someday.
someday, he'll live on in a smile. isn't that a day to look forward to?
it is. it always is. ]