[ it's tempting. he would be lying if he wasn't tempted. how could he not be? a stable reality where he could continue to live with the people he loved. it was the wish he always held in his heart.
but.
he can't. ]
I won't take that risk with you. What if something happens to you?
[ what if he becomes a sad footnote in maruki's life by making this choice? ]
[ Maruki's quiet for a long moment before leaning his head down onto Dolph's shoulder, huffing a fond sigh. ]
You're too good to me, you know.
[ And then a few moments more of silence as he thinks that over. ]
It's actually sort of funny. I can give people whatever would make them happiest. That amounts to wish-granting, in the end. You can imagine how crazy I felt, waking up in a reality predicated on wishes and desires. It's why I feel that I'm uniquely qualified to set things right here, and I intend to before I leave. So...
What if I promised you that I won't do it if it means something bad will happen to me?
[ It's hardly a promise he ever would have made before, but now– there are people who care about him. So many. Too many. He can't be as selfless as he once was. ]
[ Maruki leans into his side gratefully. Dolph's arm over his shoulders has quickly become a phenomenal source of comfort. Sometimes he can still hardly believe it.
But he shakes his head, huffs a little laugh. ]
Anything I do here, for you or anyone else, is worth much more than what I have to go back to. But a promise is a promise. I'll make sure this benefits both of us, somehow.
[ Entirely antithetical to how he usually operates, but maybe that's a good thing. ]
Now I'd better have a front row seat at the wedding!
[ He and Rumi would have been married in early summer. A short engagement, all things considered, but they'd been together so long that it hardly mattered. There was a mountain resort in a northern prefecture that they'd booked. He pictured it every day, every night, excited down to the very depth of his soul.
Months later, he called in the dead of night when no one would be around to answer the phone so he wouldn't have to explain anything more than a cancellation notice on a voicemail machine. He didn't sleep for two nights afterwards. Things fall apart. So it goes.
He doesn't want this to fall apart. He wants Dolph to be able to envision a future, and to grasp it in both hands. No matter what it looks like for him and Jean. ]
Then you get to imagine something new. Isn't that exciting? The possibilities are limitless.
[ yes. it's exciting. terrifying. dolph feels the bottom of his stomach sink a little. he's on the precipice of a new dream and the visage of it eludes him still. what would his wedding look like? what would it have? what would it be like?
he'd ask but . . . that seems far too cruel a topic for him to broach with maruki. so dolph falls silent but his fingers around his shoulder tighten just a little. ]
[ His tone gentles, away from that excitability and into reassurance. One hand reaches out to grab for the hand Dolph doesn't have wrapped around his shoulder – metal, but that gives him no pause at all as he tugs it over to rest where their thighs press side by side and winds their fingers together. ]
You should enjoy this time. Engagement is just as exciting as marriage. In some ways, even more so. [ That he can talk about this at all without falling to pieces is a testament in its own way. ] Go at your own speed and do whatever you want. You deserve that.
[ YES. THAT'S THE SPIRIT. Oh, Maruki's grin practically splits his face. ]
Because you're getting married!
[ And with that–
He does the least cool thing of all and practically tackles Dolph into a hug, right where they're sitting. If he had any strength at all, it'd be enough to topple them over. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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but.
he can't. ]
I won't take that risk with you. What if something happens to you?
[ what if he becomes a sad footnote in maruki's life by making this choice? ]
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You're too good to me, you know.
[ And then a few moments more of silence as he thinks that over. ]
It's actually sort of funny. I can give people whatever would make them happiest. That amounts to wish-granting, in the end. You can imagine how crazy I felt, waking up in a reality predicated on wishes and desires. It's why I feel that I'm uniquely qualified to set things right here, and I intend to before I leave. So...
What if I promised you that I won't do it if it means something bad will happen to me?
[ It's hardly a promise he ever would have made before, but now– there are people who care about him. So many. Too many. He can't be as selfless as he once was. ]
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What kind of asshole would I be if I picked my own happiness over a friend's?
[ he mulls over his words before nodding quietly. it feels fair to leave it there. ]
Fine. I know it's a lot to ask of you. And my circumstances are . . . not great. So I'll hold you to that. You still have a life to go back to.
[ a quiet pause. ]
Don't spend a chance like that on me.
[ he nearly says waste but reconsiders it. ]
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But he shakes his head, huffs a little laugh. ]
Anything I do here, for you or anyone else, is worth much more than what I have to go back to. But a promise is a promise. I'll make sure this benefits both of us, somehow.
[ Entirely antithetical to how he usually operates, but maybe that's a good thing. ]
Now I'd better have a front row seat at the wedding!
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Maybe it's not just about what a person is worth.
[ and then he flushes at his next words. ]
Front row seat? Really?
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[ Leave it to Maruki to jokingly demand something, realize he doesn't mean it as a joke at all, and then demur. ]
Although if you do something private instead, I won't intrude!
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But yeah, of course you'd be there. How could you not be?
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Months later, he called in the dead of night when no one would be around to answer the phone so he wouldn't have to explain anything more than a cancellation notice on a voicemail machine. He didn't sleep for two nights afterwards. Things fall apart. So it goes.
He doesn't want this to fall apart. He wants Dolph to be able to envision a future, and to grasp it in both hands. No matter what it looks like for him and Jean. ]
Then you get to imagine something new. Isn't that exciting? The possibilities are limitless.
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he'd ask but . . . that seems far too cruel a topic for him to broach with maruki. so dolph falls silent but his fingers around his shoulder tighten just a little. ]
Yeah, I'm — I'm sure something will come to me.
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[ His tone gentles, away from that excitability and into reassurance. One hand reaches out to grab for the hand Dolph doesn't have wrapped around his shoulder – metal, but that gives him no pause at all as he tugs it over to rest where their thighs press side by side and winds their fingers together. ]
You should enjoy this time. Engagement is just as exciting as marriage. In some ways, even more so. [ That he can talk about this at all without falling to pieces is a testament in its own way. ] Go at your own speed and do whatever you want. You deserve that.
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You're right. I should . . . take it in for now. Enjoy it.
[ his smile turns bashful. ]
Because I'm getting married.
GOD I'M DYING WE CAN WRAP THIS ONE TOO SOON I THINK
Because you're getting married!
[ And with that–
He does the least cool thing of all and practically tackles Dolph into a hug, right where they're sitting. If he had any strength at all, it'd be enough to topple them over. ]
THEM!!! AND YEAH SOUNDS GOOD
I'm getting married!