This is the worst I've ever been. Even in the future that I lived, I wasn't this fucked up. Every moment feels like a waking Hell that I have no choice but to face, so I am.
But this isn't the first time my life's been flipped upside down. First, I learned about my future, and I knew that I would never be the same again. The more I learned, the worse it got. Right before I met you, I lived my future firsthand in the Labyrinth and came back empty.
There's no way I could describe it to someone who hasn't felt it themselves. It felt like there was nothing left of me. I took every second for granted because I hated being alive, and I still do.
But then we started talking, and everything started to slow down. I didn't feel so lonely. Me and Aubrey are smiling in that picture I showed you, but it was so hard for so long to smile at all before that.
Mikasa is gone, and all I want to do is go home and die - I won't lie about that. But only a few days ago, Subaru made me smile, and I didn't think that was possible at all anymore. I don't know if it would be possible if you hadn't helped me. If we hadn't decided those moments are worth something.
I told Aubrey about that. I'll tell anyone who will listen.
You taught me that. And now it's all I have. If all you want is to feel like you've alleviated someone's Hell, then I guess that's what I'm telling you...
cw: strong suicidal ideation
This is the worst I've ever been. Even in the future that I lived, I wasn't this fucked up. Every moment feels like a waking Hell that I have no choice but to face, so I am.
But this isn't the first time my life's been flipped upside down. First, I learned about my future, and I knew that I would never be the same again. The more I learned, the worse it got. Right before I met you, I lived my future firsthand in the Labyrinth and came back empty.
There's no way I could describe it to someone who hasn't felt it themselves. It felt like there was nothing left of me. I took every second for granted because I hated being alive, and I still do.
But then we started talking, and everything started to slow down. I didn't feel so lonely. Me and Aubrey are smiling in that picture I showed you, but it was so hard for so long to smile at all before that.
Mikasa is gone, and all I want to do is go home and die - I won't lie about that. But only a few days ago, Subaru made me smile, and I didn't think that was possible at all anymore. I don't know if it would be possible if you hadn't helped me. If we hadn't decided those moments are worth something.
I told Aubrey about that. I'll tell anyone who will listen.
You taught me that. And now it's all I have. If all you want is to feel like you've alleviated someone's Hell, then I guess that's what I'm telling you...