(you can pm me here or on plurk if you'd like to beforehand, but also if you'd just like to drop something at my doorstep with no preamble please do!!)
[ Maruki's hand doesn't fall. It hangs there in the air, reaching for the warmth that's been retracted, heart thundering miserably in his chest.
It's because you never had the memories to begin with.
Something is missing. Suddenly, some part of him that should by all rights be here to greet Akira is gone, a shard of his soul wrenched out and tossed away. Akira tries to paper over that desolate look in his eyes with confusing and alarming and not anything you have to worry about, and Maruki finds himself adrift at sea, a fear he didn't even know he needed to have suddenly making itself right at home in his heart. ]
No.
[ It bursts out of him too quick, too sharp, hand still hovering there between them.
His brows pull together as he catches himself, awkwardly pulls it back and tries to save face. ]
I mean... yes, something did bring us here, there ought to be a contract in that bag you woke up with, but– no, I am worried.
[ Panicked, almost. Desperation rises in his voice in a way the Akira back home, the one he expected to see here, never would have witnessed before.
But maybe this Akira has. ]
What memories am I missing? Tell me, please, I–
[ I don't want you to ever feel the way I did with Rumi. I can't be the one to do that to you.
His mouth snaps shut, lips pressing into a thin line, eyes wide and pleading on Akira's. ]
[It almost makes Akira break, makes him bend - there's never been a time, even before the City of 7, that Akira wasn't moved to action by Maruki sounding anything remotely like this. He's always had that effect on him, and now is no different.
And he's always listened. Every time Akira exposed a weak, fragile piece of his heart, Maruki accepted it and met him on the same ground, never thinking less of him for it. Always bearing all of the weight that Akira put on him.
They put so much weight on each other, in 7. Maybe the way it all turned out was Akira's karma.
He almost does it, even if it would be wrong. He knows Maruki would accept it. He knows that Maruki would welcome all of his pain into himself.
But Akira tries so, so hard now to be a good person. For more than anyone else, now, he wants to be a good person for Maruki Takuto.]
That weight... That burden... It wouldn't be right, to put any of that on you.
[He doesn't even know how much Maruki knows of the time they shared back home. Even back in 7, their timelines didn't align.
He has to do- something. He has to bring him off of this path, that only leads to pain. It risks bringing on more questions... but maybe the only thing he can really do is offer some of it. A lie is more believable if it's baked into the truth.]
Before I woke up here... In that place, we were under attack. That's why I was asking you things so urgently. But if it's safe here, then... I'll figure out a way back somehow and handle it. You don't have to worry about it, really.
[It isn't an excuse for the yawning pain in his eyes. Undoubtedly, Maruki will have questions.
But he can protect this Maruki from his own failings. He's not so conceited to think of this as a second chance, but rather than that... Akira owes it, to this Maruki, to do well by him.
It's the only thing he has left.]
sobs we can wrap this one up as well i think......
[ Maruki repeats it softly beneath his breath, beneath Akira's further explanation. It must be a world much like this one, then. They've certainly been under attack before. But if it wasn't something Akira's might and his own couldn't overcome together, if Akira was so panicked upon seeing him...
No, the reality Akira came from must be even more dangerous and painful than he could imagine.
Maruki's brow creases as he considers it. What happened to the Maruki Takuto who was under siege with him, then? Is he still there, or was he thrown into his own world? Is his own heart breaking as he looks at a Kurusu Akira who doesn't remember a whole life they lived with one another?
It's an impossible situation, and that calls for an impossible solution.
Maruki draws a deep breath, steadying enough for both himself and hopefully Akira as well, as one hand reaches out to rest over his shoulder. ]
Kurusu-kun... you don't have to tell me more right now, or even soon. But over time, please... tell me as much as you can about that reality.
[ His smile is warm, reassuring, even as he says something he knows he has no control over. ]
The more I know, the more I can help you to get back to where you ought to be. Right? I will. I promise.
The more I know, the more I can help you to get back to where you ought to be.
I understand that I have to earn that, and I will.
He answers because there's something within him that will always rise to answer.]
Alright.
[There will always be twenty-three strings of fate, no matter how much one of them is worn and fraying by Akira's own failure.]
It's a deal, then.
[As helpless as he is to the words that come from his own mouth, he's helpless to the hand that raises to rest on the one holding his shoulder.]
I'll tell you. [Not everything.] Not- Not today. But I'll tell you what I learned. [If I have my way, you'll never know about your blood on my hands.] If there's more than one thing dragging us into different realities... we should compare what we know. There might be a lot we can figure out, if we put our heads together.
[And maybe, maybe one day-
Maybe even if he can never atone for what he's done-
-maybe he'll still find a way to be worthy of walking at this Maruki Takuto's side.]
...We should get out of here, for now. You can catch me up to speed on whatever you feel comfortable sharing as we go.
[And no matter how fast, no matter how slow Maruki walks-
Akira will always be just behind him like a ghost or bit of smoke right out of an urban legend, haunting him alive.]
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no subject
Something is missing. Suddenly, some part of him that should by all rights be here to greet Akira is gone, a shard of his soul wrenched out and tossed away. Akira tries to paper over that desolate look in his eyes with confusing and alarming and not anything you have to worry about, and Maruki finds himself adrift at sea, a fear he didn't even know he needed to have suddenly making itself right at home in his heart. ]
No.
[ It bursts out of him too quick, too sharp, hand still hovering there between them.
His brows pull together as he catches himself, awkwardly pulls it back and tries to save face. ]
I mean... yes, something did bring us here, there ought to be a contract in that bag you woke up with, but– no, I am worried.
[ Panicked, almost. Desperation rises in his voice in a way the Akira back home, the one he expected to see here, never would have witnessed before.
But maybe this Akira has. ]
What memories am I missing? Tell me, please, I–
[ I don't want you to ever feel the way I did with Rumi. I can't be the one to do that to you.
His mouth snaps shut, lips pressing into a thin line, eyes wide and pleading on Akira's. ]
Please.
no subject
And he's always listened. Every time Akira exposed a weak, fragile piece of his heart, Maruki accepted it and met him on the same ground, never thinking less of him for it. Always bearing all of the weight that Akira put on him.
They put so much weight on each other, in 7. Maybe the way it all turned out was Akira's karma.
He almost does it, even if it would be wrong. He knows Maruki would accept it. He knows that Maruki would welcome all of his pain into himself.
But Akira tries so, so hard now to be a good person. For more than anyone else, now, he wants to be a good person for Maruki Takuto.]
That weight... That burden... It wouldn't be right, to put any of that on you.
[He doesn't even know how much Maruki knows of the time they shared back home. Even back in 7, their timelines didn't align.
He has to do- something. He has to bring him off of this path, that only leads to pain. It risks bringing on more questions... but maybe the only thing he can really do is offer some of it. A lie is more believable if it's baked into the truth.]
Before I woke up here... In that place, we were under attack. That's why I was asking you things so urgently. But if it's safe here, then... I'll figure out a way back somehow and handle it. You don't have to worry about it, really.
[It isn't an excuse for the yawning pain in his eyes. Undoubtedly, Maruki will have questions.
But he can protect this Maruki from his own failings. He's not so conceited to think of this as a second chance, but rather than that... Akira owes it, to this Maruki, to do well by him.
It's the only thing he has left.]
sobs we can wrap this one up as well i think......
[ Maruki repeats it softly beneath his breath, beneath Akira's further explanation. It must be a world much like this one, then. They've certainly been under attack before. But if it wasn't something Akira's might and his own couldn't overcome together, if Akira was so panicked upon seeing him...
No, the reality Akira came from must be even more dangerous and painful than he could imagine.
Maruki's brow creases as he considers it. What happened to the Maruki Takuto who was under siege with him, then? Is he still there, or was he thrown into his own world? Is his own heart breaking as he looks at a Kurusu Akira who doesn't remember a whole life they lived with one another?
It's an impossible situation, and that calls for an impossible solution.
Maruki draws a deep breath, steadying enough for both himself and hopefully Akira as well, as one hand reaches out to rest over his shoulder. ]
Kurusu-kun... you don't have to tell me more right now, or even soon. But over time, please... tell me as much as you can about that reality.
[ His smile is warm, reassuring, even as he says something he knows he has no control over. ]
The more I know, the more I can help you to get back to where you ought to be. Right? I will. I promise.
alrighty... lemme put a lil wrap on it..........
The more I know, the more I can help you to get back to where you ought to be.
I understand that I have to earn that, and I will.
He answers because there's something within him that will always rise to answer.]
Alright.
[There will always be twenty-three strings of fate, no matter how much one of them is worn and fraying by Akira's own failure.]
It's a deal, then.
[As helpless as he is to the words that come from his own mouth, he's helpless to the hand that raises to rest on the one holding his shoulder.]
I'll tell you. [Not everything.] Not- Not today. But I'll tell you what I learned. [If I have my way, you'll never know about your blood on my hands.] If there's more than one thing dragging us into different realities... we should compare what we know. There might be a lot we can figure out, if we put our heads together.
[And maybe, maybe one day-
Maybe even if he can never atone for what he's done-
-maybe he'll still find a way to be worthy of walking at this Maruki Takuto's side.]
...We should get out of here, for now. You can catch me up to speed on whatever you feel comfortable sharing as we go.
[And no matter how fast, no matter how slow Maruki walks-
Akira will always be just behind him
like a ghost or bit of smoke right out of an urban legend, haunting him alive.]