I do want to help people, more than anything. And if you had asked me this question a couple months ago, that's where the answer would have ended.
But it's that altruism that raises people's suspicions. Why would someone do something so emotionally taxing and thankless without getting anything in return?
I had a lot of trouble explaining that "why" in the beginning, even to people who were already familiar with counseling as a concept. It was never enough for me to say that I simply want to help people and it's what I'm meant to do. If anything, that answer only made people more suspicious. It was very stressful... and disheartening, if I'm honest.
Disheartening enough that I brought it up to Venat, who understands what I do better than anyone does. She very quickly helped me see that I do get something out of it, and that it's okay to admit that. It's a more honest answer, and hopefully one that will resonate with people.
So, I guess all that is to say... Why do I do what I do? Because I want to help people, yes. But also because doing so gives me a sense of control. Not over the people that I counsel. Just in the sense that... the world is a hellish place. It's torturous and painful. And it's difficult to feel like what I do matters at all, in the grand scheme of things, but at the end of the day... If I help alleviate even one person's emotional pains, then I'm doing my part to fight back against how deeply we all suffer as a people.
It's not a perfect answer. I'm still working on how to both be honest and have it make sense for anyone outside of my own head. But that's as close as I've come currently.
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But it's that altruism that raises people's suspicions. Why would someone do something so emotionally taxing and thankless without getting anything in return?
I had a lot of trouble explaining that "why" in the beginning, even to people who were already familiar with counseling as a concept. It was never enough for me to say that I simply want to help people and it's what I'm meant to do. If anything, that answer only made people more suspicious. It was very stressful... and disheartening, if I'm honest.
Disheartening enough that I brought it up to Venat, who understands what I do better than anyone does. She very quickly helped me see that I do get something out of it, and that it's okay to admit that. It's a more honest answer, and hopefully one that will resonate with people.
So, I guess all that is to say... Why do I do what I do? Because I want to help people, yes. But also because doing so gives me a sense of control. Not over the people that I counsel. Just in the sense that... the world is a hellish place. It's torturous and painful. And it's difficult to feel like what I do matters at all, in the grand scheme of things, but at the end of the day... If I help alleviate even one person's emotional pains, then I'm doing my part to fight back against how deeply we all suffer as a people.
It's not a perfect answer. I'm still working on how to both be honest and have it make sense for anyone outside of my own head. But that's as close as I've come currently.