[ to call it a robbery feels weak. even to say it is a tragedy feels limiting. how do you measure that? it is not just a life that is taken. it is the dream. the promise of the future. that what ifs that bloomed in those quiet moments, thinking about what could be. there is a space in maruki's arms for the child he could not hold. there is a shadow standing next to him in the shape of a woman. there are words and dialogues that are written in the dust. conversations that cease to exist. empty spaces that surround you.
dolph can't relate completely. the only person who was ever by him was alex. and alex is the only person he will ever miss. oh, he misses livio and astarion and many others. but the nature of that grief is different. they were brief sparks. formative, important. but not enough to last. even now, dolph misses alex's large arms. he misses having to look up at him. he misses the texture of his hair through his fingers.
the kind of life maruki imagined, he could never have, for a myriad of reasons. but at the very least, dolph grasps that kind of irrevocable loss. he grasps the void of people that walk with you.
maruki had, but briefly, a life overflowing. now he only had his. oh, he grasps at more. akechi. eren. dolph. others, he's sure he doesn't know of. not to fill the void but to ensure that when he looks to his side, the shadow of rumi doesn't look back with a smile. when he wraps his arms, there isn't a child there.
it is unbearable. it always is so . . . unbearable.
dolph quietly kisses his forehead. ]
I'm sure there is one future where that happens. I'm sorry it wasn't yours.
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dolph can't relate completely. the only person who was ever by him was alex. and alex is the only person he will ever miss. oh, he misses livio and astarion and many others. but the nature of that grief is different. they were brief sparks. formative, important. but not enough to last. even now, dolph misses alex's large arms. he misses having to look up at him. he misses the texture of his hair through his fingers.
the kind of life maruki imagined, he could never have, for a myriad of reasons. but at the very least, dolph grasps that kind of irrevocable loss. he grasps the void of people that walk with you.
maruki had, but briefly, a life overflowing. now he only had his. oh, he grasps at more. akechi. eren. dolph. others, he's sure he doesn't know of. not to fill the void but to ensure that when he looks to his side, the shadow of rumi doesn't look back with a smile. when he wraps his arms, there isn't a child there.
it is unbearable. it always is so . . . unbearable.
dolph quietly kisses his forehead. ]
I'm sure there is one future where that happens. I'm sorry it wasn't yours.